My Yoga Year

Today is the last day of this year and while I was doing my practice in the morning I reviewed my Yoga year. Altogether it was a very successful year concerning Ashtanga Yoga:

• In January I started practicing Yoga on a daily basis and I managed to establish the daily morning practice. It is now an important part of my life and a fixed item in my schedule. I would consider this as a great achievement.
• My hamstring-syndrome got much better. At the beginning of this year I wasn't able to practice Ashtanga at all because it hurt so much. This has improved a lot during this year. Though there were some setbacks the whole thing constantly got better.
• I focused mainly on the first part of Primary up to Navasana. In this row there are three poses I'm still struggling with: Paravritti Parsvakonasana is much better now. Still a small struggle with the first side. Janu Sirsasana C, this pose just does not work with my body. Until now I have no clue how this will ever happen, but of course I keep on working. And last but not least Marichyasana D, a very difficult pose, but I made some progress. First side is still problematic, but on the second side I can bind often. And there was also progress with Urdhva Danurasana, with Padmasana and Sirsasana.

Hm, when you really count the things which have improved during this year the list is rather long. This is great and I'm happy about it. I'm trying to remember it if I will ever be sad because of some silly comparisons with advanced Yogis :-)
My objectives and wishes for the coming year are:

• Going on with the daily Ashtanga practice
• It would be great if I could finally overcome my hamstring problems.
• Focus more on the second part of Primary
• It would be great if I could put my feet behind my head after this year.
• Getting stronger
• Overcoming the fear that I often have in upside-down positions.

Ok, I better stop now, the list of wishes would become much longer than the list of progress. I don't want to have too many expectations. I will go on with my practice and see what happens. Just do your practice and all is coming!
In this spirit I'm wishing all fellow Ashtangis "einen guten Rutsch" (as we say in Germany) and a good start in the new year.

Practice break

The last days no serious Ashtanga practice happened. Buh. There are various reasons for it, yesterday I started practicing right after getting up but I didn't feel good at all and after sun salutations I stopped because I had the feeling that it is not good right now. Actually I got sick yesterday, mainly headache and fever. Today it is already much better. This is a good employee who only gets sick in his holidays.
But still no practice today as I am still weak and need a lot of breaks during the day.
Tomorrow we're driving to our families for spending the christmas days there. I hope I will have some chances to practice there. My mat is coming with me!
So I wish you all some quiet and recreative days with your families.

Workshop with Arjuna, II

Juhu, I am on holiday now! Yesterday was the last working day for this year, it ended with an excessive christmas party at my company. Now two and a half weeks without work are coming and this is just great. So much time just for me and of course my darling. And I really need this time now because I really have to think about how everything will go on at the job and so on.

But I wanted to tell more about the workshop: We started on last saturday with a 3,5 hour session in the morning. We did sun salutations, some of standing positions where Arjuna explained once again the correct alignment and then inserted some extra positions as preparation for back bending. We did a lot of stretching of the M. Iliopsoas and played with splits and handstand variations. Then we came back to the sequence and practiced until Kapotasana. For every pose Arjuna showed variations that were possible for everyone. The first back bends of Intermediate like Shalabasana, Danurasana and Ushtrasana are not so complicated. These are very basic poses, you can find them in many beginner Hatha Yoga classes and I think everyone can practice these. But of course then comes the hard stuff and especially for Kapotasana many people have to work really hard. After Ushtrasana we did some interesting partner exercises for working on the back bend. The practicioner comes in the starting position for Ushtrasana, one helper kneels before him and pushes with his hands against the hip of the practicioner for stabilization. The other helper lies behind the practicioner and puts one foot on the sacrum of the practicioner, the other foot between the bladebones. Then the practicioner arches back and tries to stretch out the arms behind him. The helper who lies behind grabs the hands and slightly pulls. Hm, I hope this is imaginable. This way the back bend could be deepened nicely. But in fact there was only one man who was able to do something that can be named Kapotasana.
One advice Arjuna gave on Kapotasana: Don't bring the head on the floor too soon. If the head is on the floor but is still away from your feet you have almost no chance for getting there, then the pose is over. Instead keep on hanging in the air and try to bring your hands on the floor. Then go on arching and try to walk your hands to your feet. Only if the hands are on the feet you can try to bring down your head. Of course this is much more exhausting, but Arjuna's practice is always exhausting.
Then we had a lunch break, in the afternoon we did a rather relaxing hip-opening practice with tries on Eka Pada Sirsasana.
The other morning we practiced almost complete Intermediate, we only omitted two poses. It was a little bit absurd because again there was only one man who was able to do the positions the way they were intended. Almost all other people had to do variations. But it was interesting to see that there are variations for every position. Of course it does not make much sense to practice it this way, but it was interesting. It was a funny, playful atmosphere, also in the afternoon. Arjuna always wants the people to play with poses and to try things that seem impossible. So we played a lot with Bakasana, Pincha Mayurasana, Karandavasana, Mayurasana and so on. It was fun and I think many people had some highlights. My highlight: I balanced Pincha Mayurasana on my own for several seconds!
Arjuna's practice always brings you to your edge, he takes you out of your comfort zone so that you have the chance to move your limits and make progress. He also wants us to learn a kind of childish attitude towards practice. When we come to difficult poses we often have thoughts like 'I cannot do this', 'I will never learn this' and so on. A child doesn't know these thoughts, a child just tries and sees what will happen. This is the attitude we should also adopt for our practice.
So it was a hard and challenging weekend, but of course very informative and inspiring. And Arjuna is just great, if I had to call someone my Guru it would be him.

Workshop with Arjuna, I

Just returned from a weekend workshop with Arjuna. I'm totally knackered, every single part of my body is hurting *Au*. It was a second series workshop, I know I'm not at all ready for practicing second series but so were most of the workshop participants. Arjuna said the workshop is a playground where we can try some poses and play around with them but in our daily practice we should stick with primary.
Arjuna's opening of the workshop was just brilliant, I'm trying to reproduce it: Everything that makes up Ashtanga Yoga, everything Ashtanga Yoga has to offer is contained in the first ten breaths of the first series: Surya Namaskara A. For people who weren't able to figure this out Surya Namaskara B was developed. And for people who still don't get it the fundamental positions were created and so on ... and people who are practicing Intermediate really must be slow on the uptake. Then everybody laughed and immediatly Arjuna had managed to put everything in the right perspective. I found that great.
Ok, I have to eat something now, more workshop stories are following ...

Achievement

The depression is over, the hamstrings calmed down again and I returned to my normal Ashtanga practice. Of course the hamstrings are still the critical point - probably they will remain it for the rest of my life - but it is ok. I can practice without pain, I'm totally satisfied with it.
I wonder if I can manage to stay within my limits this time. Often I don't understand myself when it comes to this point. I know, it is not about the poses, the poses are not what really matters ... I can tell this to myself 1000 times but the next time when I am in Prasarita Padottanasana surely I will ask myself when I will be able to touch the floor with my head. Is this attitude of achieving goals, bringing good performance etc. so deeply anchored in our selves that we barely can get rid of it? For me this is one of the hardest tasks in my practice. Letting go of thinking that I have to bring the head on the floor, that I have to bind my wrists, that I have to bring the chin on the shin ... Of course we want to see improvements, but the improvement does not come by pushing and pulling it will come by itself. All I have to do is practicing and waiting. Hard. I think it is so hard because we cannot influence it directly. With most other things in our lives great effort brings great benefit but Yoga teaches us something different: The great effort we have to put in is not that we try to push ourselves in a certain pose but that we try it slowly and every day.
Ok, I know it, hopefully I will remember in the next Prasarita Padottanasana.

We have the first snow here. Very calm winter atmosphere outside. It is nice because it makes the inside so cosy and warm. No need for going out today. It's just a lazy sunday at home.

After the break

After a one-week-break I had again an Ashtanga practice today. Last week I practiced some Vinyasa freestyle for giving my hamstrings a break: No forward bends and much hamstring-strengthening. And I put some castor-oil on the areas where it's hurting most. I have no idea if this will help anything but Arjuna once recommended it and so I try it. Perhaps it will help if I believe so :-)
Practice today was ok. I was extremely careful, did all forward bends with bent legs and so on. Actually it was better than I thought before. I felt a little pain in Uttitha Trikonasana and Prasarita Padottanasanas, but these were always the difficult poses related to my hamstrings. I only practiced until Purvottanasana, then Shalabasana (for the hamstrings) and some restoring poses. Anyway it was delightful to feel the energy of the Asthanga practice again. Other Yoga styles are also great but I never feel this intensity when I do any other kind of Yoga. I don't know why. It must be the combination of all the Ashtanga typical things. Let's see how it will go tomorrow.

Ashtanga depression

I'm having kind of a Yoga down right now. It is because of my old hamstring injury - a never-ending story. During the last two or three months it has changed so much and became so good again ... I really had hope, I really thought 'ok, that was it, it has gone, I'm over it'. I've had so much patience, you know, I have been suffering from it for 1,5 years. And I worked so much to improve it, to heal it. For two months at the beginning of this year I haven't practiced Ashtanga Yoga at all, I only did exercises for strengthening the backs of the legs, gentle stretching, taking care all the time, everything just to come over this problem. And slowly, very slowly it started working, it got better, there were also setbacks, but all in all it really got better and the peak of this development has been reached about three weeks ago. At this time I could practice with (almost) no need of variations and didn't have any uncomfortable feeling in the hamstrings. But it seems that always when I reach this point I immediatly start overdoing the practice. It must be so otherwise I can't explain why it is again this bad.
Ok, two weeks ago there was this weekend workshop with Andreas Schnittger - which was great by the way, I have to tell you about it another time - during the workshop I practiced full primary and the beginning of intermediate. And on the tuesday after the workshop again full primary in a Mysore class. Obviously this was too much. Since then my hamstrings hurt again, I cannot do most of standing positions without pain and so on. I could cry.
I have to struggle with myself very hard to see this still as a task, as a chance for learning and developing. Of course you can see it this way, you always learn a lot in a situation when your body does not work the way you want it to work. On the one hand you can try to change your body, but first of all you have to change your mind. Ok, I see it this way, but nevertheless I am sad, disappointed, frustrated ...
It is like you are running, running, running and you can almost bite into the carrot but everytime you close your mouth you see that the carrot is again a mile ahead.
I even had thoughts like 'perhaps this style of Yoga is not for me, is not for my body, perhaps my body is not appropriate for Ashtanga Yoga' and so on. But I cannot think about quitting Ashtanga Yoga seriously. No. It is a too big part of my life. And I want to come over this damn hamstring problem! Stopping now would be giving up.
So, again I start working. And it will go on and on and on. And perhaps some day I will have strong, flexible hamstrings ... and perhaps I will not. I think I have to make friends with this thought.
This is a new thought I learned from Andreas at the workshop: There are people who are practicing primary for their lifetime. And it is enough, it is good. I'm used to thoughts like 'I have to practice so that I can go on, so that I can finish primary and move to intermediate' and so on. But this is not the point. It is the practice and not what we practice. And if we are constrained in any way - may it be time or age or health - perhaps we will never finish primary. And this would be absolutely ok.
I think I have to get used to that kind of thinking.
I'm sorry for this whiny post.

Janu C and other stress factors

Puh, back in the middle of a stressful week. I will be so glad when my darling will be cured. It's hard to be responsible alone for a two-persons-household. My deepest respect to all working mothers who are raising children in addition to work. Now I've just finished my tasks for today - or let's say I've stopped because there would always be something else to do. Now I have a little time left for reading in my new book 'Yoga Mala' by Pattabhi Jois himself. Probably a shame that I got it not until now. I am curious.

Good morning practices yesterday and today. Today I came until Janu Sirsasana C. This is one of the poses I don't even have a clue about. How should this work? It is absolutely not possible to rotate the foot that way. And my hips usually aren't that stiff. Hm. I'm waiting for a small enlightenment concerning this pose. Are there any tricks or useful preparations? Perhaps the upcoming workshop will bring some light in the Janu Sirsasana C darkness.

Are muscles feminine?

Three weeks ago I was at a friend's wedding and today we finally got to see all the photos one of the other guests made. As I discovered myself on one of the photos I was completly in shock: I'm looking like a hobby weightlifter or body builder with these muscles. Horrible! When I see such photos I'm really getting my doubts if it is all good what Ashtanga is doing to a woman's arms and shoulders. But see yourself, here it is:


I was really appalled as I saw this. Of course you can tell yourself that this is sporty and athletic but it has definitly nothing to do with slender and feminine. Hm, I'm not quite sure what to think about this. On the one hand there is a little bit pride because you know that it was hard work that makes you looking this way but on the other hand I don't know if I want to look this way. It's hard at the limit. And my boyfriend doesn't like it so much either. Of course this is not as important as my opinion but it is also a factor.
Ashtanga Yoginis out there, is there anybody who knows this problem? Of being afraid that your arms and shoulders look too beefy and mascular? I really would be glad about some comments.
But I guess there is no choice. I want to do Ashtanga, I am comitted to this tradition and this just is the way it changes my body. I can do nothing but accept this.

Autumn sunday

We had a very nice autumn day here, cool, fresh air, a clear sky and colorful trees everywhere. I started the day with a run through the forest, it was really nice, mentally it is as relaxing as it is physically exhausting. First of all I love the silence you can find in the forest. Especially in this season when the animals are getting quiet too there are moments when you can only hear your breath and your steps. It is such a relief from the non-stop background noise you usually have.

So the day started good and it went on even better as I managed to cook some delicious Indian chickpea-eggplant-curry. For being able to appreciate this you have to know that I cook very seldom and when I cook it's even more seldom that it is really good. But I accepted this: you cannot have a fulltime job and be the perfect houswife at the same time. That's it.

The only disadvantage of this very nice day is that I haven't practiced Yoga. But I've practiced the last six days in a row, I guess it is ok to take one day off. Hm, sounds like an excuse. Let's start again tomorrow morning.

Laziness goes on ...

Today I did only a short practice in the evening: sun salutations, some standing positions and some playing around with hand- and headstand variations.
This weekend is so lazy. Of course the main reason is the temporary invalidity of my boyfriend. We simply cannot go out - or he cannot go out and I'm staying here with him. But it's ok. I always enjoy being at home because during the week I'm not much at home. But yesterday I managed one thing: my tax declaration is almost ready! I'm very proud of myself. And now I'm going to join my boyfriend on the sofa.

Barcelona

One month ago I spent four days in Barcelona, a beautiful, youthful, turbulent city on the Spanish east coast. For everybody this city has something to offer: culture, old town, modern town, beach life, party life, sightseeing ... And above of all this uncomparable, mediterranean summer feeling which I love, love, love. This city really has a lot of faces and is worth a visit in any case.

Of course I brought my Yoga mat and on Friday morning I paid a visit to Ashtanga Yoga Barcelona which is lead by authorized teacher Hojung Audenaerde. Her shala provides only Mysore classes, you can start in the morning between 8 a.m. and 9 a.m. I got up at 7 a.m. and after getting ready tried to find my way to the shala, which was not that easy in this huge foreign city. But as I already had managed to get close to the shala I saw a man walking down the street who was obviously carrying a Yoga bag. I simply followed him and he lead me to my destination. As I arrived there were already a few practicioners and after having settled the formalities I also started. I think it was the first time that I practiced in a real Mysore-style shala and I was nearly overwhelmed by the great atmosphere. I guess there were always between ten and twenty people in the room but there would have been still more space. My practice was great, not physically but in all other dimensions. I found it simply great to practice in a room full of committed, like-minded Ashtangis, it definitly pushed my energy up. Hojung and her assistant walked through the lines and gave adjustments, verbal and physical. Hojung had a very calm and grave charisma, she definitly had the control over the room. She helped me in Uttitha Hasta Padangusthasana, her assistant helped me in Mari A so that I was almost able to bring my chin to the shin. And the highlight was Mari D: Hojung helped me so that I could bind on both sides, on the right side this was the first time ever! After Buja Pidasana which was only a poor attempt I did back bends and finishing positions. Great practice in Barcelona and once more I pitied myself for not having a Mysore shala near my home.

But next weekend we are having an Ashtanga workshop with Andreas Loh here in Erlangen. He is great and I'm looking forward to it.

Non-lazy practice on a lazy day

Today is a very lazy, relaxing holy day. We didn't get out of the bed before 1 p.m. But then I almost immediatly started my practice because I learned that if I don't do it right after getting up on free days the probability is high that I don't do it at all. It was a quite good practice, flexibility is as good as before the break. But apparently I started to fast and hurried through the standing poses. When I reached the seated poses I was so exhausted and out of breath that I took a short break, took ten deep breaths and said to myself that I should take it easy and slow. Then I went on with this changed attitude and tried to focus on a deep, calm breath. This way I finally reached Navasana and continued with back bends. As always right after getting up Urdhva Danurasana is difficult. It takes three attempts before it even starts feeling good. Then finishing positions for which I never have enough time during the week and Shavasana.
Practice was the only non-lazy thing I did today and yes, I started my tax declaration (for 2006!). Holy days are nice :-)

It is going on ...

Yes, I am still there though it doesn't seem so, I know. I have a rather stressful time now. Two weeks ago my darling had a stupid accident and hurt his left ankle. Several days and XRays later the diagnosis was that a part of his shinbone has been broken off ( the part is the so called "Volkmann-Triangle" for the medically interested readers). Then he had a surgery where they screwed the part back on the shinbone. And now he has a cast and lies at home on the sofa all the time. Of course this is a really bad thing for him and I feel so sorry but also for me it has some consequences. Mainly it is the fact that I now have to take care of every single thing that is to do in our life, household etc. And of course I'm trying to go to work as usual.
This is the reason why my daily practice has suffered in the past two weeks. But this week I renewed it and had some good practices. Best was yesterday when I managed all of Primary up to Navasana, today was a short one since we had to be at the doctor at about 8:00 am.
It is alarming how fast the body has changed in that two weeks with less Yoga: metabolism got inactive, muscles and tendons got stiff and the mood was also bad. OMG, it hurt so much when I started practicing on Monday. It felt as if I was doing Yoga for the first time in my life, horrible! But fortunately during this week the body has changed as fast the other way round. It definitly was a lesson in how important the daily practice is. I hope I'll manage to keep it up again. Tomorrow no work! It's the day of the German reunification, I'm so looking forward to this long weekend!

Weekend workshop

Yesterday night I returned from Arjuna's workshop in Frankfurt. Today my whole body is aching, I had forgotten how exhausting it is to practice with Arjuna. But it was a very, very nice weekend. It was cleansing in every aspect: For the body as we sweated buckets during this weekend and ate only healthy stuff, a lot of fruit and so on. For the mind as there were no distractions, only Ashtanga.
It started on Saturday morning with a Primary lead class. We practiced until Triang Mukha Eka Pada Paschimottanasana. These are not very much poses but now imagine that it took us three hours (!) for these poses and then you know why this practice is sooo exhausting. I think we practiced only Surya Namaskaras for one hour. We had to hold the poses forever, also Chaturanga Dandasana. This is what Arjuna often does: He wants to force you in a state where you cannot rely on your body alone any longer. Your muscles and your body strength have given up but still you can hold the pose and remain there. He wants us to experience that the Ashtanga techniques like breath and Bandhas can give you so much energy that you can remain in a pose though your body would have given up for long. It is an interesting state that you can enter this way: sweat is gushing down the body and you are at the limit of what your body can do but though you don't feel the strain. The breath is calm and deep and your whole body is warm and light. You can clearly feel the energy flow through the body, the energy that makes you stay still longer in the pose. It feels great. This is one reason why I love workshops with Arjuna, you can't push yourself in this state.

Additionally he explained some interesting technical details while we were holding our poses:

• Standing positions: Do not only stand on your legs, but try to activate the legs. Try to rotate the thigh outward, the lower leg inward, the heel outward and the forefoot inward again. Sounds very complicated but it's only the idea of what you should do and if you try it e.g. in Virabadhrasana you will see that standing has a new meaning.
• Adho Mukha Svanasana: the index finger is pointing forward. I had the impression that the neck can be relaxed more this way.
• Vinyasas: What I found very interesting: You can try to separate the jump-through and also the jump-back in two little jumps. E.g. when you want to jump-through you can first jump from Adho Mukha Svanasana in a position where the legs are folded beneath you and you sit on your heels and from there with a second jump to the final sitting position. It is important to keep the body small and compact all the time.
• An advice for my hamstring problems: I should try to strain the muscles at the front of the thigh in all forward bends because this leads to relaxation of the hamstring muscles.

Saturday afternoon we had another lesson which was rather playful, we tried arm balances, headstands, vinyasas ... but of course also exhausting!
The next morning Mysore class, I practiced full Primary and in the afternoon another class, where we worked mainly on backbends. For the first time I tried standing backbends and it felt very good, very intensive, no dropback yet, but this will come one day.

So this was a great weekend, very nice to meet all the Ashtangis. This is also great at such a workshop: you meet only people who are committed Ashtanga practicioners and Ashtanga is really a part of their life. Very nice feeling to be part of that.

Mysore class

Tonight I attended my first regular Mysore class. It takes place in Karin's house, Karin is the teacher. Her Yoga room is not big, there is space for perhaps 8 Yogis, but we were only three. She has just started with her classes and therefore they are still quite empty. One man who is beginner and has just learned Surya Namaskara A, one woman who is similar advanced than me and me of course. I sweated buckets, I don't remember when I have sweated so much during practice. Already in Surya Namaskara B it started dripping on the mat and soon my clothes were soaked. Of course it's also due to the hot and humid weather we have here at the moment but there must have been something else too.
I must say it was a very strange feeling to practice together with other people and under the eye of a teacher. After having practiced on my own for so long it is unfamiliar for me. And of course I worked extra hard because of the feeling of being watched. This might also be an explanation for the sweat gush. I guess it was far more exhausting than any home practice could ever be.
My relationship to Karin was a little bit weird during the class. We didn't know each other before, we just said hello and then it started. Her adjustments were good, they could have been a little bit softer but it felt like she knows what she is doing. But I have the feeling that I haven't accepted her completly yet because sometimes when she said something corrective to me I had some thoughts like "but I learned it this way, I want to do it this way, perhaps you just don't know this way ...". And this is of course bullshit. She definitly knows something about Ashtanga and as another person she has a completly different view of my practice and therefore can see things I perhaps cannot. I think I need a humbler attitude towards my practice. When practicing alone there are always some things you don't pay that much attention or things you always do a little bit wrong and it's very useful to have these things revealed.
Anyway I felt very good after the practice, it was very intensive also very exhausting. Let's see how my hamstrings will feel tomorrow. Tomorrow rest day and then workshop with Arjuna. Juhu!

Practice goes on

Tonight I'm attending a Mysore class. It's a new class with a new teacher in my neighbour city and as I saw it in the Internet I thought "wow great! a Mysore class!" and almost immediatly registered. You know there are no Ashtanga teachers in my area therefore I was really happy about this possibility. Meanwhile I got a few doubts. First I don't know the teacher and her practice, I only know that she's taking part in an Ashtanga education program with one of our German authorized teachers. I don't know if this is adequate but I expect from a teacher that he or she is much more advanced on the Ashtanga path than I am. But I will see, nevertheless it's a practice together with other people and this is also nice.

My hamstrings got worse again, this is getting me down a little bit. Poses that were possible without pain about three weeks ago now hurt again. And I don't know exactly what I have done wrong. Probably too less attention and awareness during practice *sigh*. It's a constant up and down and always reminds me that it is not the visible that is important. "Yoga is that what you cannot see" is a favoured word of my first teacher and he is true. I have to keep that in mind.

I'm visiting a weekend workshop with Arjuna, my first teacher. He is one of Germany's few authorized teachers. I'm really looking forward to this two days. It will be a great challenge to practice in a way that my hamstrings feel ok and don't get more damage. Practicing to practice without too much Ego :-) Let's see if I can manage this.

New record

I got up at 5:50 am today! That's a new record for me. I woke up by myself without the alarm. Waking up at that time is not unusual for me but usually I don't get up but turn around and sleep until the alarm goes off. But today I got up because I thought I wan't to have an extensive practice. I know today is a moon day, but I just don't cared. I wanted to practice. I'm not sure what to think about this moon day stuff anyway.
Practice was ok, I was rather exhausted afterwards. My hamstrings got much better recently. There are moments now when I really think that I have overcome these injuries ... very promising.
Since yesterday I feel a bit weird, kind of uprooted without reason. Perhaps there's something about the moon days ... I don't know.
Tomorrow company olympics, then another week of work and then two weeks holiday! Looking forward to it!

Stormy

I started my sunday very sporty: I jumped out off the bed as I saw that the weather is nice, put on some jogging gear and started with a run through the forest. It was great, I enjoy the silence in the forest. Normally there is always some kind of noise around me, but when I run through the forest there are moments when only my own steps and breath can be heard. That is really restorative.

Afterwards I rested a little bit and then started my Ashtanga practice on our roof-deck. At the time I started the weather was still very nice, sun and blue sky. But after a while some dark clouds appeared and came nearer and nearer. There were also lightnings and thunder but still far away. It seemed that the energy that was in the air was also transferred to my practice because it felt really good today. The hamstrings felt ok, breathing and focus were also good. But the storm finally decided to befall us and as the clouds were really black around me I decided to continue my practice inside. Just one minute later it started raining hard and the lightnings and thunders were right above us.
I continued practicing up to Navasana plus Pincha Mayurasana. I have chosen this pose as my new challenge. Since it probably will take some years til I cope with it I thought it would be reasonable to start practicing it now. :-) Actually it's better than I thought. Of course I use the wall but sometimes I'm able to balance for one second or so.

Now I have to eat something, first meal of the day.

Changes

Huh, I haven't written for quite a long time. I'm not sure about the reason for my writing-reluctance, probably I am not a writer, but ok, I'll try again.
I went on with my usual morning practice, yesterday I practiced up to Navasana. It would be great if I could manage to extend the morning practice this way. But it took me over an hour though I skipped most finishing poses. Hm, we will see if I can squeeze in my morning schedule so much practice time. The practice felt very good yesterday. This week the weather is very hot, up to 30° C and in the mornings it is still about 25°C in our appartement, so practice was a very, very sweaty thing. I also did Urdhva Danurasana in the end and it was very hard. I haven't practiced it in the morning very often so I was surprised about how bad it was. Also a reason why I should extend my practice.

In the evening I had a very interesting conversation with my boyfriend about Yoga, Yoga-Philosophy, Yoga in India and the differences to Yoga in the western world. I would really like to summarize it for you but it was so long and also deep that it seems impossible to express it this way. I was astonished that he has such a well considered opinion about this topics. You have to know my boyfriend is not a Yogi, at least not yet perhaps he will start to be one ... who knows? In fact he had never shown very much interest for it but this has definitly changed recently. He even began to have interest in practice and actually we practiced together twice. It is so great that I can share now a little bit of this part of my life with him. I hope this development will continue!

First outdoor session

I have just finished this year's first outdoor Ashtanga session - great! Our appartment has a huge roof-deck, a perfect place for practice. The sun was so nice that I decided to practice outside. Partially the wind was a little bit chilling, but the sun was really warm. Of course there are a lot more distractions than in my room, noise from the street, noise from playing children, the wind, the view and so on, but you can see it as a extra challenge for keeping attention. And looking in a deep blue sky when twisting upward or feeling warm sun rays on the skin in a pose is simply great. I love it. I hope there will be many chances for practicing outside in this summer.

Much work

The last week was quite hard, we had a lot of stress at work. Actually there was a deadline on Tuesday where we would have presented our work to our customer but we didn't manage to get ready with our stuff. The whole week before we've been working a lot just to hold this deadline and although it didn't work. Constantly new problems were popping up and as soon as one problem was solved the solution caused the next one. Software development really drives you crazy sometimes. On some days I got home from work, went to bed because it was already late, got up the other morning and went back to work. This is not fun, but it's ok because it's only for a short period of time. And it's a very focussed way of working, nothing distracts you, the whole team works towards a common goal. But missing the goal then leaves a greater feeling of dissatisfaction.

But today everything is forgotten, because it's Labor Day, everybody has a day off. And because of the overtime collected the last days tomorrow is also free! Yippie!
During this much work I tried not to neglect Yoga too much. Yesterday I practiced in the morning and it was one of the worst practices I've ever had - in every way! Body, breath, concentration, motivaton ... everything was miserable, it was one big struggle. But I went on and on and finished my usual sequence. The essence of such a practice is just not to give up, to go on though it doesn't feel good. Afterwards I was glad that I practiced.
Let's see what this day will bring.

Still many questions

I had a good morning practice today. Yesterday I went to bed at 11 p.m., quite early for a friday night. I was alone, tired and had nothing to do, so I slept. This way I got more than nine hours of sleep and nevertheless could get up before 9 a.m. today. Yesterday I didn't practice, the more I enjoyed it today. I did full primary, no skippings and it was quite good. Actually the body was quite soft, at the end I couldn't even notice that it's a morning practice. Upavishta Konasana is getting better and I make very small progress with the Vinyasa out of Mari A. I can lift myself up but have no idea of bringing the head forward. Also I have no idea of bringing the feet through the arms in BujaPidasana and of coming up with straight legs in e.g. Ubaya Padangusthasana and so on. These are only a few of the points of which I have no idea. But it's ok, there's still much work to do.

On Thursday I had my first ballet class, it was fun. We also did many Yoga postures for warming up, of course they don't call it Yoga. Unfortunately I can't write more about it now, because I have to get ready, I'm going to the cinema with my boyfriend and some other friends. We're watching 'No country for old men', this year's Oscar movie, I'm curious.

During Breakfast

I have caught a cold but it could be worse. Practice helps I think, I always have the feeling that it frees the nose from the slime that's everywhere.
Actually I had a wonderful light and flowing practice yesterday, the body got quite soft during practice and Paschimottasana was much better than usual. And I managed to squeeze two more poses into my practice time slot.
Today's practice was of course different, it cannot be that good every day. But the sun is shining, this is also a good motivation for being happy.
Now that I've finished my banana-muesli I should go to work.

Lead Class

Just returned from the Ashtanga lead class in the university sports center, which started today. It was quite good. If you don't want to miss the feeling of practicing together with other people, this class is probably the best you can get in this town. It is in a huge sportshall and there were about 30 people in it. The atmosphere is kind of clinical, there are no joss sticks, no Shiva statues and so on. But it is very concentrated, you go there and you practice, nothing more nothing less. As the room is so huge it was very cold and I felt cold during the whole practice but nevertheless I sweated buckets - funny. Body was neither flexible nor stiff, perhaps normal? I easily found my flow though the poses were held not very long, only about 3 of my breaths, but I suppose my breaths are quite long. What really did me good was the comparison with the other Yogis. I know that it is stupid to compare oneself with anybody else but I guess everybody does. And since I'm comparing myself with Yogis much more advanced for 90% of the time (what makes me depressive sometimes), I think it is ok if I took the chance of comparing myself with less advanced Yogis today and this gave me some new motivation and energy.
And now I'm going to have a bath and afterwards some food, my stomach is already hanging between my knees :-)

Fingertips touched!

I had a good practice today, full primary series, I didn't skip anything. And the highlight was Marichyasana D: My fingertips touched when I tried to bind on the left side! I never managed to do this alone, today the first time! I once bound with the help of a teacher, but alone I never came close to that. On the right side I'm still far away from binding, but on the left side I think it will happen soon. The rest of the practice was good and it got better and better during practice. Now I'm doing a little bit of shopping.

Study Deja-vu

Right now I'm learning a lot of project-managment-stuff about which I'm going to take an exam tomorrow at work. It's horrible. I'm no longer used to sit down and learn things out of scripts and books, I thought this time is over. Additionally I'm sooo tired. Right now I'm really pitying all students on earth ... But there's no help, I want to pass the exam. But I think I'm going to skip some chapters and rely on my brains.
Yesterday's practice was very good, so much better than on monday. And the main difference between these two days was the attitude. Yesterday I felt motivated and full of energy, I enjoyed the practice. On monday it was the opposite, but ok, such is practicing Yoga.
Today I only did a few Surya Namaskaras. I slept longer because I already was tired yesterday and again got to bed late. Today I must go to bed earlier, otherwise I can forget this test.

Tests

No practice on the weekend, but very much sleep.
Today's practice was ok, but not good. I had problems with concentration and my body was stiff. Additionally I felt again a slight dragging pain at the left Tuber Ischiadicum. Will I ever get rid of this annoying problem? *sigh*
Perhaps I'm doing a few light practice sessions on the next days.
This week I'm attending a training at work, which has a test at the end. I don't think that it will be hard to pass it but because it would be so embarrassing to fail I'm going to sit down now and learn the stuff. Ugh, I'm feeling like I'm back at university.

Great Weekend Kickoff

Wow, what a great evening practice I just returned from. That was the highlight of the day!
I got to bed very late yesterday so I slept one hour longer than usual and didn't manage to do any Yoga this morning. Despite (or perhaps because of) getting up later I was so tired all the day, I could only start working after one cup of coffee and two cups of Darjeeling. Then I got to know that my boyfriend has invited his friends for a poker night and I thought, well tonight is my Yoga time.
But since I was so tired I didn't want to motivate myself for practice. So I went to the only Yoga shala in my town which offers Ashtanga classes. It was a lead class and it was so great. I enjoyed very much practicing together with other people after a long time of practicing alone. I managed to switch off my mind and to simply surrender to the flow of the practice. Body was warm and soft, I had the feeling of reaping the fruits that were sown in the hard stiff morning practices. How my body feels in the evening really is a pleasure in contrary to the mornings. But ok, this is part of the work. And now I feel still tired but also full of energy, balanced and happy!
What I noticed this evening: When I practice alone I'm obviously Miss Super-Slow. In this class we had 90 minutes and we practiced almost full primary, we only skipped Kurmasanas, Garbha Pindasana and Setu Bandasana. When I practice alone I need one hour until Purvottanasana plus Sirsasana and Lotus postures! This must change. My practice needs definitly more speed. Now I have to get out of my sweat-soaked Yoga shirt and take a shower. Nice weekend to everybody!

What to do?

Good practice this morning, I had a nice flow.
I don't know if I should apply for this Yoga Retreat at the North Sea in summer. Today I learned that there are only two places left, so I have to come to a decision quickly. I don't know if I should spend this week of holiday (which is very precious for a "normal" employee) with Yoga or with my boyfriend. Unfortunately the two possibilities are not compatible. Visiting the North Sea or some other place in which I would be a little bit more interested? I don't know. At the moment I tend towards Yoga weekend workshops instead of that retreat.

New Challenges

Today's morning practice was ok, standing sequence as usual. In these days it's not so much challenge to deal with the body but with the mind. Feelings of dissatisfaction, frustration etc. keep rising constantly during practice or after. I don't know what this means, I keep watching it. It's interesting to see how the challenges of practice change over time.
Yesterday I registered for two classes of the new university sports semester: one is Ashtanga primary series, the other one is ballet. I'm curious especially about ballet, it's something new. It's always exciting to start someting new. But I'm also looking forward to the Ashtanga class. It's a lead class and the guy who is leading it is not really a teacher, but I will enjoy the feeling of practicing together with many other people. It's starting in two weeks.
I also have a book recommendation for you: Yoga School Dropout by Lucy Edge. She tells about an extended travel to India where she has visited several Yoga schools, Ashrams, Gurus etc. while she is searching for a deeper meaning of her life. It's very interesting because you get to know much about different Yoga styles and their representatives and it's also funny, especially because she sometimes takes all the too spiritual, esoteric Yogis for a ride. I liked it. Particularly because I call myself a very down-to-earth Yogi, I think this is due to my quite analytic, rational mind. I have some difficulties with things that cannot be explained by reason. But I guess I also have to learn in this area.

Rare evening practice

I just finished my today's Ashtanga practice. On the weekend I didn't manage to get on my mat (shame on me) and therefore I really missed an extensive practice with enough time. So I decided to move my today's practice to the evening. In the morning I only practiced some pranayama and a few soft poses. The whole day I have been looking forward to the practice and barely returned from work I changed clothes and jumped on my mat. My boyfriend hasn't yet returned from work, so I had no distractions.
The practice was on the one hand very good. I was quite focused, managed to concentrate on the breath and really felt a connection between the breath and the heat/energy level. On the other side I found it so hard and exhausting. At first I planned to practice full primary but when I reached Navasana I was already so worn out that I said to myself 'ok, that's it, enough for today'. Then I did Urdhva Danurasana and Finishing. Despite practicing only until Navasana I spent nearly two hours on the mat. I took it very slow and added some extra-poses.
And I couldn't avoid to have a feeling of slight frustration during the practice. I don't know exactly why, probably because I sometimes have a feeling of never moving on and always remaining at the same level. Of course my sense says that this is not true, but sometimes it feels so. It's hard to notice any progress if you're always on your own. Also I'm not so good at motivating myself if I'm always on my own. Ok, enough whining, the next workshop will surely come and give me some extra-motivation.
Right now I'm thinking about visiting a Yoga Retreat at the North Sea in summer. It is guided by my two favourite teachers, so this would sure be great. Let's see ...

More attention

Today's practice was good, Sirsasana was the highlight. I managed to bring the legs parallel to the floor and up again several times, I didn't count. Also I have the feeling of getting a little bit faster every time I practice. This is good, because I will be able to do more poses in the same time. But of course only if it's not at the expense of deep breathing and attention to the body. I must not forget my hamstrings, they aren't completly healed yet, but I already act as if they were. I have to pay more attention to them.
Right now I'm quite exhausted, the working day was stressful. I'm going to lie on my sofa and watch my favourite series: Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy ;-)

Easter family practice

Easter weekend is almost over, tomorrow we're all going back to work - business as usual. In the early afternoon we returned from a two day family visit. It was nice, I visited my parents, my two grandmothers and one of my several aunts with her family, and of course my boyfriend's family. So it really was a family weekend and I enjoyed it very much. There have been times when I found it a little bit stressful to visit relatives I don't see that often but this time was really nice.
My boyfriend's older sister and her husband recently started practicing Yoga and they always ask me to practice together. They don't visit classes but they practice according to a Hatha Yoga CD. Once I gave some kind of lesson for them, but this time I didn't feel like doing that again because I knew that my own practice would suffer - I am selfish I know. So I tried something different. We did sun salutations together then I went on with my usual Ashtanga practice and they went on practicing with their CD. Also some kind of Mysore style practice, everyone practiced according to its needs. And I was very surprised that it worked really really well. They practiced with the CD a sequence of fundamental asanas simply one after another without Vinyasas or things like that and I practiced the series until Baddha Konasana. Sometimes I said something corrective if something really caught my eyes but otherwise everyone did his/her practice. For me the practice was great, focus, breath, sweat everything was there and also the unique spirit of people practicing Yoga together.
And now I'm up for a small evening practice, hopefully a good finish of this weekend.

Morning stiffness

Weather is quite unsettled here. Yesterday morning when I was practicing the sun shone through the window on my face, today it snowed. Also as I went home from work, it snowed. Mostly I go by bike. It's a wonderful route, almost completly through forest. I live at the city limit and my job is in the next village. It takes about 20 minutes to get there by bike. Today the air was ice-cold and snowflakes on my face, but it was refreshing. It's a good way to start the leisure-time because you get your head free of job thoughts.
Practice today was ok. The concentration really is missing quite a bit, too many thoughts about unimportant stuff, I have to work on that. It felt as if I was not really willing to do the practice and the mind is searching for whatever to escape from practice.
And one pose is absolutely terrible in the morning: it's Paschimottanasana, there all the morning stiffness strikes me hardest. When I practice at any other time it's possible that my belly touches the thighs but in the morning absolutely no chance! I wonder if this will ever change. But I read that this stiffness has a protective function, that it prevents us from injure ourselves, this function gets lost in the evening. I will believe it and try not to become desperate in Paschimottanasana.

Home practice

Last weekend was Arjuna's workshop here in my city, I haven't been there. I'd love to go there but it was wiser not to go, definitly healthier. Anyway he was my first teacher and it would have been a great chance to meet him and all the other yogis. I'm a little bit sad now that I missed the chance but I also know that my body was not yet ready.
As I don't have an Ashtanga teacher in my range the occasions for practicing Mysore style with a good teacher a very, very rare for me. It's limited to one or two weekend workshops per year. So I almost always practice alone at home. This has its advantages but I also miss the guidance and the advice of a good teacher. And I think that I would go further beyond my limits as I do at home and therefore the progress would perhaps be a little bit faster. At home there are days where the practice is inattentive and sloppy, never would this be if Arjuna's watching me. In return home practice teaches you a lot of things: to motivate yourself, to overcome the obstacles we put in our way ourselves ... I don't know what is better, probably a good mixture of both, home practice and classes.
Anyway if this tendinitis is completly over I definitly have to visit more workshops!

Moving meditations

Absolutely great practice today! I practiced until Navasana whereas I omitted some postures (Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana, Ardha Baddha Padma Paschimottanasana, Janu Sirsasana C), then Urdhva Danurasana, which was surprisingly good for haven't practiced it for a long time and finishing positions. Body felt light and soft today, I really sweated buckets and in Shavasana the whole body was vibrating from energy. Great!
No Yoga yesterday, but one hour jogging in the forest with nice sunshine and excessive dancing in the night. For me dancing is also a form of moving meditation, sometimes you reach a point where you totally forget yourself, there is just music and movement. And in contrast to Yoga it's also a strong way to express yourself because generally you are not alone when you dance and so this is a way to communicate with other people. Anyway I love dancing and especially reaching this point I have spoken about. As this doesn't happen that often I was really happy about last night.

Not much time ...

... today, therefore very short practice: only Surya Namaskaras and three streching positions.
But it was great anyway, because my body was never softer this week, hamstrings felt really good. A pity that I didn't have the time to make more of it.
In spite the good practice I don't feel so good today: ladies' days. I just want to lay down somewhere with a cuddly blanket and a huge cup of tea ... guess I will do exactly that after writing.

Yesterday I watched the movie 'Step up 2 the streets' at cinema, I love the dancing scenes, the rest of the movie is quite silly, but the dancing is really great. By the way I will register for a ballet class that is starting in April, I want to get to know the mother of all dances :-) Perhaps I also will learn some new tricks about flexibility, generally dancers are super-flexible. I'm very curious!

Sirsasana

So how was today's practice? Body felt softer, breath was worse than yesterday, focus was ok, Shavasana was great, the highlight of the practice no doubt.
Right now I'm working a little bit on Sirsasana, me and this asana is truly a never-ending story. First you have to know that I count myself to one of the most unathletic persons I know. It always takes ages til I learn something that implies non-trivial physical coordination. It took me ages to learn swimming, it took me ages to learn riding a bike and so on. So you can imagine how fast I learned the headstand and for me it's still a wonder that I'm able to do this.
But the finishing sequence not only contains headstand but a few additional variations, this is the sequence I learned:
10 breaths in normal headstand, 10 breaths with head lifted up, 10 breaths with legs parallel to the floor and then 10 times moving the legs from vertical down til almost touching the floor and up again.
My current practice-status is:
10 breaths in normal headstand, omitting the head-lifted-up-thing, that is not (yet) possible, 5 (fast) breaths with legs parallel to the ground and then moving legs up-down at most 3 times.
So there is still much work to do, isn't it? Also I'm not yet able to come up in headstand with straight legs, or let's say I'm not able to do it without wall, because indeed I'm able to come up but at the highest point I don't manage to bring the hip back to the middle fast enough and then I would topple to the other side if there wasn't my wall. Lacking physical coordination! But I'm sure I will learn this sooner or later. I'm already used to the fact that everything comes to me a little later.

Got up earlier

I moved my get-up-time to 6:20 a.m. instead of 6:30 a.m., which makes not that big difference. So I can spend about an hour on my mat and still can manage to be at work before 9:00 a.m. This is absolutely ok for now. I wonder if I ever manage to get up early enough to practice full primary. But I take this step by step. For now I practice fundamental and for that purpose this schedule works fine.
Practice was good, breath was very constant, deep and easy. My hamstrings don't feel that good just the same with my back. I'm so, so, so stiff right after getting up. I wonder if this ever changes, but I have to work with this situation. Lookin' forward to tomorrow's practice.

Greeting the sun

This morning I stood up, prepared for practice, stepped on my mat and just as I was rising my arms for the first surya namaskara, the red morning sun crept over the neighbouring rooftop and sent her first rays directly through the window in my room. So this was literally saluting the sun! The situation was some kind of magic and put a smile on my face.
Then I went on with the practice, as yesterday I practiced til Purvottanasana. I still felt yesterday's practice in my limbs additional to the usual morning stiffness, but it was ok. I sweated a lot and for me this is mostly a sign of a good practice. The flow is still missing a little bit but this is also due to my super-carefulness.
Actually I felt the effect of practice til noon, some kind of light, numb feeling ... Maybe the reason is that I radically shortened the finishing sequence and only did Sirsasana, the lotus poses and Shavasana? I don't know, but I think I have to get up a little bit earlier, 6:20 a.m. instead of 6:30 a.m. I'm trying that tomorrow.

Comeback of Standing Sequence

We went out last night, it was nice, meeting some friends, a little bit dancing ... So I slept quite long today and it was already afternoon when I finally found the way to my mat. I felt a bit weak and low before, so I expected not much, but practice was quite good.
I practiced the fundamental sequence, I don't know if this is a common term, it includes Surya Namaskaras, standing positions without balancing positions and goes til Purvottanasana. Today I practiced the standing positions for the first time since a quite long injury-break. In fact Utthita Trikonasana and Prasarita Padottanasana were the most critical asanas according to the injury. I was super-careful, super-attentive and super-slow and it worked! I was able to practice this fundamental sequence completly without pain and this is a great achievement for me. But I really noticed that I haven't practiced the poses for a long time, it was quite hard from time to time. But one thing I really learned from the injuries is to keep the attention, this works quite well. I will try now to include this fundamental sequence in my daily practice. There is still much work to do on these poses.

Weekend

No practice today, at least no serious practice. It's a little bit strange but for me it's more difficult to practice on weekend than on the other weekdays though I have much more time on weekends. The reason is an ordinary weekday has its fixed schedule where the Yoga practice has its fixed time slot. I don't have to do much thinking or planning, I just run through my schedule.
On weekends this schedule does not exist, everything is open and there are always several other things that want to be done on weekends. So I have to schedule my Yoga practice somehow.
But I also think that skipping one day is not that bad, I guess in Mysore the saturdays are also practice-free. Hope to do some practice tomorrow.
Next weekend there is an Ashtanga workshop in our town, it is lead by my first teacher. I'm not yet sure if I should go there. The practice is still too much for me. And since I often tend to go over the top at such occasions it would be wiser to practice at home. But let's see, there is still one week left to think about it.

New moon, Yin time

Today is new moon and I practiced Yin Yoga. I'm still not sure what to think about all this moon-energy-subject. Traditional Ashtangis say you should not practice on moon days because our energy level is out of balance which increases the risk of injuries. Other people say that these are only old-fashioned traditions which do not really make sense. I don't know.
But since I want to practice Yin Yoga once per week anyway, why not do it on the moon day? I think Yin Yoga is the perfect complement to the powerful, dynamic Ashtanga and I hope it will increase my flexibility by the time.
Anyway it was a good practice, time went by so fast, it is really astonishing how much time 10 breaths can take if you are deep into the pose.

Where do I stand ...

... on my Ashtanga path?
Hm, not easy to answer.
I started practising Yoga in summer 2003, but not Ashtanga, it was some kind of Vinyasa Flow Yoga. It was great, because we had a great teacher, I'm sure I will find some words about him in future. One year later I started with Ashtanga, with the same teacher. In the beginning I only practised once per week and only at the class, not at home. This changed in the following two years, Yoga and especially Ashtanga became more and more important to me, it consumed more and more time. I also made some progress, I used to practise full primary series.
The break came in october, 2006. At that time I was so involved in our city-Yoga-scene that I often acted in place for other Yoga teachers and even lead own classes at our university sports center. And this was definitly too much in a too short period of time. My body unmistakably told me that by getting injured. I was caught in the trap that waits for many Ashtanga beginners I guess: too much ambition, too much focus on forms etc. In fact I have been struggling with injuries for the last 1,5 years, which threw me back many, many steps. My main problem are the hamstrings, especially of the left leg, this is my weakest point. Right now there are still the effects of a tendinitis at the tuber ischiadicum (this is my own diagnosis!), but I think I'm on a path of healing now. I definitly learned some important lessons through all this injury stuff, also about anatomy :-).
Due to the injuries I haven't practised Ashtanga for the second half of the last year, instead I returned to Vinyasa Flow variants, because I needed the flexibility to chose the poses that were suitable and to avoid those that were not.
This year I started again with Ashtanga, on a daily basis, but I take it slow, slow, slow. In fact I only practise Surya Namaskaras plus my special hamstring-therapy-program which I developed for my needs. But it's absolutely ok, I'm glad I can do this. And I have good hope that I can add the standing sequence soon.
So my path had reached a little peak about 1,5 years ago and then fell almost back to the ground, but only from a physical point of view. In other areas the path continued climbing the hill, I've gained much insights into my attitude towards practice. And with this new wisdom I'm trying now to build up also the physical path again. :-)

Let's begin ...

Hu, this is my very first blog, I'm quite curious how this will develop.
I got the idea to have my own blog about an hour ago when I was driving home from work. I was thinking about how much I enjoyed reading Ashtanga/Yoga/Mysore blogs in the last weeks (on many days I enjoyed it definitly more than working ;-) ). So why not doing the same? Why not bringing other people joy with my Ashtanga blog? So, here it is, I hope it will work!