Morning or Evening?

The past Ashtanga week was finished with a great group practice on Friday evening. There are some serious Ashtanga practicioners here in this area and sometimes we meet for practicing together. Such a practice took place on Friday evening, we were three women. My practice was so fantastic that I started asking myself if it had anything to do with practicing in the evening. Most of the times I practice in the morning immediately after getting up. I'm very used to the feeling of a morning practice. But practicing in the evening happens very rarely, so this is always a rather new experience. Of course in the evening we all are more flexible, this is a fact. But I don't think that this makes the big difference because I don't care so much if I'm flexible or not. Only the backbends make a real difference I think, they are so much more open in the evening that it's a pure joy.
Then I guess I feel lighter in the evenings. This may sound quite strange for most people, because how can one feel lighter at the end of a day full of food? The reason is I don't eat very much for lunch when I'm at work. Only some vegetables, potatoes and things like that. Usually I start getting hungry again at about 4 p.m. to 5 p.m. When the evening pratice starts at 7 p.m. I'm usually already starving. The consequence is that the body feels very very light. On the other hand we often have dinner very late, so in the morning after getting up I sometimes feel still full with yesterday's dinner, therefore rather no lightness in the morning. Perhaps I should change that and have dinner earlier.
The next issue is the calmness of the mind. Here also most people say that the mind is calmest in the morning immediately after getting up. Strangely I often make the opposite experience. It seems to me that it's easier to focus and concentrate in the evening.
And the most important point for me is the general flow of energy. During this Friday practice I had such a great flow, I could feel very intensely how the energy built up inside and how it flowed through the body, wonderful. At home I don't often feel the energy in this intensity.
Should I start thinking about practicing in the evenings? Hm. I don't know. Perhaps I should first try an evening practice alone at home. Because so far the evening practices were mostly in a group and in a different surrounding. Perhaps this is the main cause for the experienced differences and not the time of day. I'll check this out.
Today started the new Ashtanga week with a good practice, Primary plus Intermediate up to Ushtrasana. It was a little bit tedious and stiff but all in all an ok practice.

The past Ashtanga year

During the last days I had a look at this past Ashtanga year. My first impression was that there were no breakthroughs. No remarkable events like binding a certain pose or dropping back or something like that. Hm. Does this mean that there was no progress at all? No, certainly not. It just seems that the progress of the last year is difficult to measure. Of course I can say that certain poses have improved but I think this improvement is not very obvious. It's a pity that I don't have any before and after photos. Therefore for me it's mainly a matter of certain poses feeling better and deeper. These poses are for example Marichyasana A and D, Supta Kurmasana, Baddha Konasana, Upavishta Konasana and of course Urdhva Dhanurasana.
Another issue that has improved very much is my old hamstring problem. At the beginning of the year I omitted some poses of the series because of my hamstrings, other poses I practiced very reduced or changed. In September I visited my teacher in Berlin and he encouraged me to return to a normal practice step by step. Now I would say that the right hamstring has healed, concerning the asymmetric poses I practice the right side completely normal now. The left side is still annoying, but it's tolerable. I don't omit poses anymore, my biggest problem pose was Prasarita Padottanasana, I practice it very carefully now. Actually Upavishta Konasana which was also very difficult got a lot deeper during the last weeks. So I would say I'm on a good way concerning the hamstrings.
Have there been changes concerning the non physical aspects of the practice? Hm. This is even more difficult to measure. Of course the monkey mind is still there, is it ever going to cease? Perhaps the discipline has improved a bit, there are a lot of 6 day practice weeks now. Also the schedule of my practice has changed, I started practicing full primary during the whole week recently. I'm still not sure if I can keep this up on the long run, getting up at 5:30 a.m. every day is hard, but we'll see.
Another thing that was different in this year: I didn't eat meat. Ok, except for a few times. Has this changed my practice? Probably yes. Fact is that the body feels much lighter without it, so of course it has an influence on the practice.
Enough looking backwards, what about the future? I guess this year will be interesting also regarding Ashtanga. I'm going to spend some time in Bangalore, India, and hopefully get the chance to practice with an Indian Ashtanga teacher there. I don't want to set certain goals for this year. Dropping back would be nice, binding Supta Kurmasana also, but if this happens not, I won't care. I'm at a point now where appreciating a practice hasn't much to do with the physical level anymore. So I'll just go with the flow and we'll see what happens.
May you all have a satisfying Yoga year!

Last mini practice

After having practiced intensively for the last three days, today everything has come to a halt again. My boyfriend asked me if we would go to the gym together. Yes, of course, I love my Yoga practice but I also love working out together with him. So, I did just Suryas, then we went to the gym together. Yoga is all about flexibility, isn't it? But I'm also looking forward to my regular schedule which is going to be resumed next week.
No time now for a Yoga review of the year that ends today, but this will come up next.
I wish you all out there much fun tonight and all the best for the new year!

Starting Intermediate

The question when an Ashtanga practicioner should start with the Intermediate series is the source for an endless discussion. On one side there are people who say that the Primary series has to be perfected before one can start thinking of Intermediate. They measure the level of perfection with the help of certain asanas, e.g. binding Marichyasana D, binding Supta Kurmasana, dropping back and coming up are common criteria. On the other side there are people who say that one should be familiar with the Primary series, which means for example knowing the sequence of postures and being able to practice the complete series alone, then one can start practicing Intermediate. These are the two extreme positions and of course there are many, many positions in between.
Since I don't have a teacher who I visit regularly, I had to decide this on my own. I've been practicing Primary on a daily basis for three years now. I'm far from having perfected the first series. I have problems with Janu Sirsasana C, I cannot bind Supta Kurmasana and dropping back is also still a vision. But I have the feeling that I know Primary now. I'm familiar with all postures and I'm able to perform the series in a steady flow. I simply have the feeling that I'm ready to move on. But I would have had some problems trusting only my own feeling. Fortunately I took part in an Ashtanga workshop lead by Arjuna, my first teacher, in October. On the second day there were Mysore classes in the morning. I practiced Primary, was left alone most of the time, did backbends and then Arjuna told me to do Pashasana. I practiced until Kapotasana. For me this was something like Arjuna gave his blessing to me practicing Intermediate. This together with my own feeling finally settled the issue. I start practicing Intermediate! Today I already added Pashasana, Krounchasana and Shalabasana to my Primary practice. Interesting how strange and unfamiliar the new poses feel. I'm looking forward to working with them.

Back in the snow

Back from the endless vastness of Peru's highlands I was immediately thrown into the usual Christmas chaos. From meditative stillness to noisy bustle. From the burning Andean sun to snow everywhere and minus degrees. That was hard. So my dreamlike vacation came to a very sudden end without being able to digest all feelings and impressions I brought from Peru. On the other hand I was so not in Christmas mood that it just passed by without the usual cozy warm feeling that comes along with it. But both is over now, so it doesn't really matter.
Maintaining a consistent Ashtanga practice while travelling is very hard for me, but this time it worked better than ever before. There were only a few days when I didn't practice at all and I even managed to practice full primary a couple of times. During Christmas it didn't get better but this week everything's back to normal I hope.

Is Ashtanga anti-social?

Another practice week ended today. Five times full primary in a row, but today only Suryas and a short sitting practice. My boyfriend has his 30th birthday today, therefore we're going to drive to his family and everything is busy. And I wanted to wake up together with him today instead of jumping out of the bed in the middle of the night.
This week I observed a new tendency: Ashtanga is killing my social life. No, not Ashtanga but my current practice schedule obviously is. Instead of going out with friends in the evening I'm so tired that I fall asleep at about 10 p.m. On the one hand I even don't want to go out because I'm afraid that it will have a negative impact on the practice next morning but on the other hand I miss it and feel like some anti-social freak. A little bit schizophrenic at the moment.
By the way we have the first snow here in southern Germany and I'm totally in winter-Christmas-mood today. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Most challenging pose

Good practice today, though a little bit exhausted towards the end. I got a yellow fever vaccination yesterday, perhaps the exhaustion had something to do with it. Of course the mental chatter was also there, it always is, but today there seemed to be some kind of automatism that focused me back on the practice in regular intervals. Supta Kurmasana feels very intensive these days, perhaps there is something going on. My current status is that I need a strap since I cannot hook the fingers, the feet are crossed but not really behind my head. I guess I have to take a pic of myself. This pose is definitively Primary's most challenging one for me. But I've already learned to count in years if it comes to certain poses. However I like it very much and I always stay for at least ten breaths.
In case you're asking why I needed this vaccination: I'm going to travel to Peru in about 1,5 weeks! Yippieee! More about that another time.

Daily routine

I'm just integrating a full primary practice into my daily routine. This means getting up at 5:30, preparing for practice, practice until 7:30 or 7:45, then preparing for work and leaving between 8:30 and 8:45.
So far I haven't managed a full week with this schedule, but of course it needs some time to adjust to a new schedule.
Today everything was fine, jumped out of the bed when the alarm went off and was on the mat at about 5:45. Practice was quite good, concentration was much better than yesterday. The breath found a nice rythm during parts of standing and first half of seated poses.
But it seems that I overdid the sit-ups a bit during my gym excursion on Saturday. My abs were so sore, ouch! Each Chaturanga and upward dog was a completely new experience. Plus I definitely have to work on my flow. When practicing alone it takes about 15 minutes longer than practicing with a group. I have to find a way for generating some of the group energy on my own.

Monkey Mind

Full primary today. Since I've been to the gym yesterday, the left hamstring felt very good today, almost didn't hurt at all. It's surprising how much positive influence some strengthening exercises can have. Flow was not very good today, the breath was rather uneven and shallow and it took some time to get through. Highlight poses were Bhuja Pidasana and Urdhva Dhanurasana, which was a surprise because the overall impression was more stiff than flexible today. But UD felt really easy and open, nice. But the biggest problem I have during practice is this monkey mind of mine, which is constantly producing irritating thoughts and memories. It's so hard to keep the focus on the practice sometimes. Drishtis help enormously and I try to direct the consciousness more into the body and away from the mind. Though today it was a constant struggle throughout the practice to stay concentrated. All in all it was an ok practice, I'm feeling great now and ready for the day.

New Year

I wish you all a happy and healthy new year!
Though I haven't written any blog entries since I don't know when, I still very much enjoy reading your blogs and it often gives me a huge inspiration regarding my practice or life or ... thankyou all for this!
I'm not going to make any assumptions about my further blogging activities since it is obviously a fact that I'm not a great writer but let's see.
In any case I'm still on the Ashtanga path, trying to hold up a six-day-practice-week, which often fails, but sometimes not. Perhaps the first practice of the new year will happen now.

Taking a break

The job is hard these days, no time for writing.
Last week was very good concerning Yoga: I had a consistent 6-days-practice-week, managed to get up at 6 a.m. every day, had good, solid practices every day and the soreness from travelling started to disappear. This week: Bad! No practice on sunday because of a family visit that lasted all day long, mini-practice on monday because I got up much too late, good practice on tuesday but I noticed that the right hamstring is hurting somethings which is bad, no practice today because I got up much too late and tomorrow? I don't know.
As I noticed that the hamstring moaning again I had the idea of taking a total break from forward bends for some weeks. Practically that means taking a break from Ashtanga. Of course this is a frightening thought but what are some weeks in relation to a lifetime? And I really would be glad if this hamstring problem could be solved forever. If the price would be a break from Ashtanga for some weeks I would pay it immediatly. But even if I do it I don't have the guarantee that it is solved forever. But I could try it ... The other option is to continue the same way as until now and probably having a constant on and off regarding hamstring pain. I don't know ... I made friends with the thought that I will never gain a certain hamstring flexibility in fact it doesn't really matter.
Besides there is progress in Bujapidasana: it is possible to get the feet through the arms and lower down a little bit. The exit via Tittibhasana is far away.
Just got the book from Gregor Maehle about Ashtanga Yoga, it looks good from the first view. The only bad thing is that I also don't have the time for reading it.

I am back

It's been a long time since my last post. The main reason for this is: I just returned from a fascinating trip across Malaysia. My darling and I, we were backpacking for about 3,5 weeks in Malaysia and Singapore. This was such a great experience! It was our first time backpacking and now I really regret it that I haven't done this before. I love it. You have such a great feeling of freedom, everything you have you are carrying with you and every two or three days you just take your pack and move to the next place. This way we saw Kuala Lumpur, the jungle where we did some trekking, beautiful islands with white beaches, some other Malaysian cities and Singapore. I had such a wonderful time and I never had so many impressions, adventures and experiences in such a short time. Malaysia is a fascinating country with the most friendly people, I can recommend to everyone to pay a visit.
And of course the weather is the total contrary of Germany. It is tropical, that means it has always about 30° C with very humid air. This can also be challenging but as soon as you get used to it, it is really nice. But now I'm back in cold, rainy Germany and tomorrow my job is waiting for me :-( All good things come to an end *sigh*

Just a few words about Yoga: Maintaining a consistent practice while travelling is really hard. I carried my mat with me all the way through Malaysia but I could have used it far more often. But during the last days when we were staying on the beautiful island Tioman I managed to have some nice practices on the terrace of our chalet. Practicing surrounded by jungle in this hot humid weather is nice though the mosquitos are a little bit annoying. The body feels far more flexible and you don't need so much warming up since you are warm anyway.
But now I'm getting back on track, had a good sweaty practice today in the morning and tomorrow I'm going to have my usual morning practice.

Malaga

I spent three wonderful sunny days with my sister in Malaga, which is at the south coast of Spain. The coast is named 'Costa del Sol' and the name kept his promise: Friday and saturday we had sun and blue sky all day at temperatures about 20 ° C. What a relief after the frosty weather here. Malaga is a middle-seized city with a beautiful old town and many young people studying or working there - just like my sister. And above all: it is the home town of Antonio Banderas! But unfortunately I didn't meet him ;-)
We spent the days with sightseeing, shopping and mostly eating. They have some delicious food there, but it is all very rich because they fry everything.
Sadly there wasn't any chance for Yoga, the hotel room was too small and the floor too cold. *Sigh* I have to catch up something this week.
Here are some photos that give a good impression of the nice city Malaga:











Why can't the weather be like this in Germany? On such occasions I really think about moving to a warmer, sunnier country. Hm, perhaps one day ...

Six days a week?

During the last week I followed the traditional Ashtanga practice rules and practiced from sunday to friday six days in a row. In fact that was the first six-days-practice-week for some time. I don't accomplish it very often, most of the times I practice on five days. And since last week I sometimes had the thought, that perhaps it is not good and recommendable for everybody to practice so often. On wednesday I had that glorious practice I wrote about but the day after was just the opposite. It was not so much the body but my mind was only resistance. Barely I dragged myself through some Suryas and some more poses. Hard. My body almost never causes bad practices - ok, except something hurts - but what is really bad is if the mind is not willing. If there is some deep reluctance somewhere inside what makes you think 'I want to stop' all the time, then a good practice is almost impossible.
Friday was ok, a good solid practice. I thought that perhaps the extensive practice on wednesday and the practices on the days before were a little bit too much and I needed some rest on thursday. In such situations I don't know if it is only the laziness and my weaker self who doesn't want to practice or if it is really the need for some rest. Hmm ... perhaps one learns to differentiate over the time.
If you want to practice six days a week you have to balance your practice very carefully and take care that it is not too much. Hmm, I wonder how the students in Mysore manage this ... perhaps this is exactly what a good teacher can do for you, he adjusts your practice so that you can do a six-days-practice-week without getting too exhausted or reluctant.

The weekend was great, we were at a club saturday night, dancing all night, something I haven't done for a looooong time. It was nice. But of course the sunday was almost over when we finally got out of the bed. However I managed to do a short decent practice. Now it is easier for me to practice on free days, I simply get up and do it. If it isn't the first thing I do on a free day, the probability is high that I don't do it at all. Today moonday, tomorrow I want to go to a Mysore class.

And on thursday I'm flying to Malaga *Yippiee*. A nice long weekend in the sunny, warm (compared to here) south of Spain. I'm visiting my sister who is living there for some months. I'm happy. Hopefully I'll manage to post some photos.

Great home practice

Today I had a great home practice - in fact the greatest for quite a while. The funny thing about it is that it only became possible because I am ill. Yesterday I got a cystitis - most women out there will probably know how annoying and painful this can be - and therefore I'm staying at home today. It is already much better today, I drank about 7 liters of tea and water yesterday *bäh*, but I wanted to make sure that it is really over and therefore I decided to spend this day at home - with more drinking and warming.

At noon I started my practice and already during sun salutations I thought 'wow, for some reason it is great today!'. Today I had a very strong feeling of gracefulness, my practice felt graceful. I'm sure it is far from looking graceful but it felt this way today. Paravritti Parsvakonasana was great, absolutely solid and secure on the second side. Paschimottanasana felt fantastic, I remained for many more than 5 breaths. Because of my hamstring problem I focus extremly on this body area during practice. Today I often had a warm, tingly feeling running up and down the backside of the legs during forward bends and this simply feels right and healthy. I'm sure if I could manage to practice so that I always can have this feeling my hamstrings would not only remain in their current state, they would heal. The other side is that I took some steps back in many positions but concerning that my attitude has changed a little bit. I don't care so much about how the pose looks like, I don't matter if I'm grabbing my foot in Janu Sirsasana for example, this healthy feeling during practice is much more important to me now. I want the practice to have a therapeutic, healing effect, I want my hamstrings to heal and therefore I have to practice this way. It is as it is. There is no other way leading round the problem. I'm finally understanding more and more.
Marichyasana D has improved on the first side, Navasana was quite good and Bujapidasana was my last pose today - except for UD and finishing of course. Sirsasana also improved, I'm able to come up with straight legs now but only with help of a wall because I cannot stop when I am on top. I would always fall over. I'm not yet able to shift the weight of the hips back fast enough but this will come soon. And I almost managed to bind in Baddha Padmasana, a very new and intense feeling. Savasana also great!
There weren't great breakthroughs in this practice but everything was just right. Very nice. Afterwards I felt like I was newborn. Great practice week so far, I hope it will go on!

Holidays almost over

Puh, my last holiday practice is over and it was a good one. I went until Bhujapindasana, then Urdhva Dhanurasana and finishing positions. Recently I started working more on my hamstrings, what means that I do very gentle passive hamstring stretching twice a day. It seems that this has some influence, during the last two practices my hamstrings felt quite sore and also there was some pain in several poses. Hmm, obviously something is working down in my legs, if this is good or bad I cannot say ... but I keep going on for now.
I had some very nice practices in these holidays, it's so good to have enough time and to do everything that is coming up your mind during practice. Tomorrow again speedy pre-work-practice *sigh*.

Until next week I have to do some stand-in jobs in our local Yoga Shala. I'm rather insecure and afraid because of this. Like always I have been pushed into it without real desire to do it. It's a favour I'm doing the owner of the Shala who is travelling. I would have no problem with counting some people through fundamental Ashtanga positions, but there are also Shivananda lessons and I don't have any clue about Shivananda Yoga. *Sigh* But it is as it is, I have no choice now and since it is only a stand-in job I hope the people won't expect some professional perfect lessons. I'm going to attend a Shivananda lesson tomorrow just for being able to copy something at least.

Very short

Today I had only a short practice. My parents are visiting us and I was busy with baking muffins and cleaning our home. Of course now I have finished everything and still have time to for blogging and surfing ... could have practiced longer. But you only have the necessary calmness if the things are done.
During practice I focused once more on my hamstrings. I did some strengthening exercises for the back of the legs in the beginning and some gentle stretching in the end. In between there were only some Surya Namaskaras, Sirsasana and Padmasana. Better than nothing. Tomorrow there will hopefully happen more Yoga.

First new year practice

Today I had my first practice in the new year. Yesterday I took a break, though it would have been better if I had practiced because in the afternoon I didn't know what to do with myself and just hung around lazily. It was a good practice, for the first time after several days I sweated much though it is still very cold outside. Perhaps the heater worked better today. I just finished the book "The only way out is in" by Anthony Prem Carlisi which was some inspiration for my practice today. One of the main points during practice is to stay aware and concentrated. Carlisi says that only this indicates an advanced Yogi. I tried to focus on this in my practice and it is amazing how often the mind starts wandering away. Of course you cannot avoid this but to constantly come back to your breath and body is the main goal.

Since one of my objectives was to focus more on the second part of the series I added Bujapidasana after Navasana. Hmm, not easy. I can balance on my hands with the feet hooked in front of me but when it comes to bowing forward and pushing the feet back through the arms I'm soon at my limit. I don't know how to bring the feet back through the arms. Have to work on this.

It seems that there is a small breakthrough concerning coming in Sirsasana with straight legs. When I use a wall I can come up with straight legs but the problem is that I cannot stop when I am up. If there wouldn't be the wall I would fall over. I guess the problem is that I'm using too much momentum and too less strength. But this will come soon, I'm sure.

As I'm on holiday I have plenty of time for the practice and can add some extra poses, this is very nice. Soon there will be the usual hurry-through-practice before work. I have to enjoy the last long practices.

My Yoga Year

Today is the last day of this year and while I was doing my practice in the morning I reviewed my Yoga year. Altogether it was a very successful year concerning Ashtanga Yoga:

• In January I started practicing Yoga on a daily basis and I managed to establish the daily morning practice. It is now an important part of my life and a fixed item in my schedule. I would consider this as a great achievement.
• My hamstring-syndrome got much better. At the beginning of this year I wasn't able to practice Ashtanga at all because it hurt so much. This has improved a lot during this year. Though there were some setbacks the whole thing constantly got better.
• I focused mainly on the first part of Primary up to Navasana. In this row there are three poses I'm still struggling with: Paravritti Parsvakonasana is much better now. Still a small struggle with the first side. Janu Sirsasana C, this pose just does not work with my body. Until now I have no clue how this will ever happen, but of course I keep on working. And last but not least Marichyasana D, a very difficult pose, but I made some progress. First side is still problematic, but on the second side I can bind often. And there was also progress with Urdhva Danurasana, with Padmasana and Sirsasana.

Hm, when you really count the things which have improved during this year the list is rather long. This is great and I'm happy about it. I'm trying to remember it if I will ever be sad because of some silly comparisons with advanced Yogis :-)
My objectives and wishes for the coming year are:

• Going on with the daily Ashtanga practice
• It would be great if I could finally overcome my hamstring problems.
• Focus more on the second part of Primary
• It would be great if I could put my feet behind my head after this year.
• Getting stronger
• Overcoming the fear that I often have in upside-down positions.

Ok, I better stop now, the list of wishes would become much longer than the list of progress. I don't want to have too many expectations. I will go on with my practice and see what happens. Just do your practice and all is coming!
In this spirit I'm wishing all fellow Ashtangis "einen guten Rutsch" (as we say in Germany) and a good start in the new year.

Practice break

The last days no serious Ashtanga practice happened. Buh. There are various reasons for it, yesterday I started practicing right after getting up but I didn't feel good at all and after sun salutations I stopped because I had the feeling that it is not good right now. Actually I got sick yesterday, mainly headache and fever. Today it is already much better. This is a good employee who only gets sick in his holidays.
But still no practice today as I am still weak and need a lot of breaks during the day.
Tomorrow we're driving to our families for spending the christmas days there. I hope I will have some chances to practice there. My mat is coming with me!
So I wish you all some quiet and recreative days with your families.

Workshop with Arjuna, II

Juhu, I am on holiday now! Yesterday was the last working day for this year, it ended with an excessive christmas party at my company. Now two and a half weeks without work are coming and this is just great. So much time just for me and of course my darling. And I really need this time now because I really have to think about how everything will go on at the job and so on.

But I wanted to tell more about the workshop: We started on last saturday with a 3,5 hour session in the morning. We did sun salutations, some of standing positions where Arjuna explained once again the correct alignment and then inserted some extra positions as preparation for back bending. We did a lot of stretching of the M. Iliopsoas and played with splits and handstand variations. Then we came back to the sequence and practiced until Kapotasana. For every pose Arjuna showed variations that were possible for everyone. The first back bends of Intermediate like Shalabasana, Danurasana and Ushtrasana are not so complicated. These are very basic poses, you can find them in many beginner Hatha Yoga classes and I think everyone can practice these. But of course then comes the hard stuff and especially for Kapotasana many people have to work really hard. After Ushtrasana we did some interesting partner exercises for working on the back bend. The practicioner comes in the starting position for Ushtrasana, one helper kneels before him and pushes with his hands against the hip of the practicioner for stabilization. The other helper lies behind the practicioner and puts one foot on the sacrum of the practicioner, the other foot between the bladebones. Then the practicioner arches back and tries to stretch out the arms behind him. The helper who lies behind grabs the hands and slightly pulls. Hm, I hope this is imaginable. This way the back bend could be deepened nicely. But in fact there was only one man who was able to do something that can be named Kapotasana.
One advice Arjuna gave on Kapotasana: Don't bring the head on the floor too soon. If the head is on the floor but is still away from your feet you have almost no chance for getting there, then the pose is over. Instead keep on hanging in the air and try to bring your hands on the floor. Then go on arching and try to walk your hands to your feet. Only if the hands are on the feet you can try to bring down your head. Of course this is much more exhausting, but Arjuna's practice is always exhausting.
Then we had a lunch break, in the afternoon we did a rather relaxing hip-opening practice with tries on Eka Pada Sirsasana.
The other morning we practiced almost complete Intermediate, we only omitted two poses. It was a little bit absurd because again there was only one man who was able to do the positions the way they were intended. Almost all other people had to do variations. But it was interesting to see that there are variations for every position. Of course it does not make much sense to practice it this way, but it was interesting. It was a funny, playful atmosphere, also in the afternoon. Arjuna always wants the people to play with poses and to try things that seem impossible. So we played a lot with Bakasana, Pincha Mayurasana, Karandavasana, Mayurasana and so on. It was fun and I think many people had some highlights. My highlight: I balanced Pincha Mayurasana on my own for several seconds!
Arjuna's practice always brings you to your edge, he takes you out of your comfort zone so that you have the chance to move your limits and make progress. He also wants us to learn a kind of childish attitude towards practice. When we come to difficult poses we often have thoughts like 'I cannot do this', 'I will never learn this' and so on. A child doesn't know these thoughts, a child just tries and sees what will happen. This is the attitude we should also adopt for our practice.
So it was a hard and challenging weekend, but of course very informative and inspiring. And Arjuna is just great, if I had to call someone my Guru it would be him.

Workshop with Arjuna, I

Just returned from a weekend workshop with Arjuna. I'm totally knackered, every single part of my body is hurting *Au*. It was a second series workshop, I know I'm not at all ready for practicing second series but so were most of the workshop participants. Arjuna said the workshop is a playground where we can try some poses and play around with them but in our daily practice we should stick with primary.
Arjuna's opening of the workshop was just brilliant, I'm trying to reproduce it: Everything that makes up Ashtanga Yoga, everything Ashtanga Yoga has to offer is contained in the first ten breaths of the first series: Surya Namaskara A. For people who weren't able to figure this out Surya Namaskara B was developed. And for people who still don't get it the fundamental positions were created and so on ... and people who are practicing Intermediate really must be slow on the uptake. Then everybody laughed and immediatly Arjuna had managed to put everything in the right perspective. I found that great.
Ok, I have to eat something now, more workshop stories are following ...

Achievement

The depression is over, the hamstrings calmed down again and I returned to my normal Ashtanga practice. Of course the hamstrings are still the critical point - probably they will remain it for the rest of my life - but it is ok. I can practice without pain, I'm totally satisfied with it.
I wonder if I can manage to stay within my limits this time. Often I don't understand myself when it comes to this point. I know, it is not about the poses, the poses are not what really matters ... I can tell this to myself 1000 times but the next time when I am in Prasarita Padottanasana surely I will ask myself when I will be able to touch the floor with my head. Is this attitude of achieving goals, bringing good performance etc. so deeply anchored in our selves that we barely can get rid of it? For me this is one of the hardest tasks in my practice. Letting go of thinking that I have to bring the head on the floor, that I have to bind my wrists, that I have to bring the chin on the shin ... Of course we want to see improvements, but the improvement does not come by pushing and pulling it will come by itself. All I have to do is practicing and waiting. Hard. I think it is so hard because we cannot influence it directly. With most other things in our lives great effort brings great benefit but Yoga teaches us something different: The great effort we have to put in is not that we try to push ourselves in a certain pose but that we try it slowly and every day.
Ok, I know it, hopefully I will remember in the next Prasarita Padottanasana.

We have the first snow here. Very calm winter atmosphere outside. It is nice because it makes the inside so cosy and warm. No need for going out today. It's just a lazy sunday at home.

After the break

After a one-week-break I had again an Ashtanga practice today. Last week I practiced some Vinyasa freestyle for giving my hamstrings a break: No forward bends and much hamstring-strengthening. And I put some castor-oil on the areas where it's hurting most. I have no idea if this will help anything but Arjuna once recommended it and so I try it. Perhaps it will help if I believe so :-)
Practice today was ok. I was extremely careful, did all forward bends with bent legs and so on. Actually it was better than I thought before. I felt a little pain in Uttitha Trikonasana and Prasarita Padottanasanas, but these were always the difficult poses related to my hamstrings. I only practiced until Purvottanasana, then Shalabasana (for the hamstrings) and some restoring poses. Anyway it was delightful to feel the energy of the Asthanga practice again. Other Yoga styles are also great but I never feel this intensity when I do any other kind of Yoga. I don't know why. It must be the combination of all the Ashtanga typical things. Let's see how it will go tomorrow.

Ashtanga depression

I'm having kind of a Yoga down right now. It is because of my old hamstring injury - a never-ending story. During the last two or three months it has changed so much and became so good again ... I really had hope, I really thought 'ok, that was it, it has gone, I'm over it'. I've had so much patience, you know, I have been suffering from it for 1,5 years. And I worked so much to improve it, to heal it. For two months at the beginning of this year I haven't practiced Ashtanga Yoga at all, I only did exercises for strengthening the backs of the legs, gentle stretching, taking care all the time, everything just to come over this problem. And slowly, very slowly it started working, it got better, there were also setbacks, but all in all it really got better and the peak of this development has been reached about three weeks ago. At this time I could practice with (almost) no need of variations and didn't have any uncomfortable feeling in the hamstrings. But it seems that always when I reach this point I immediatly start overdoing the practice. It must be so otherwise I can't explain why it is again this bad.
Ok, two weeks ago there was this weekend workshop with Andreas Schnittger - which was great by the way, I have to tell you about it another time - during the workshop I practiced full primary and the beginning of intermediate. And on the tuesday after the workshop again full primary in a Mysore class. Obviously this was too much. Since then my hamstrings hurt again, I cannot do most of standing positions without pain and so on. I could cry.
I have to struggle with myself very hard to see this still as a task, as a chance for learning and developing. Of course you can see it this way, you always learn a lot in a situation when your body does not work the way you want it to work. On the one hand you can try to change your body, but first of all you have to change your mind. Ok, I see it this way, but nevertheless I am sad, disappointed, frustrated ...
It is like you are running, running, running and you can almost bite into the carrot but everytime you close your mouth you see that the carrot is again a mile ahead.
I even had thoughts like 'perhaps this style of Yoga is not for me, is not for my body, perhaps my body is not appropriate for Ashtanga Yoga' and so on. But I cannot think about quitting Ashtanga Yoga seriously. No. It is a too big part of my life. And I want to come over this damn hamstring problem! Stopping now would be giving up.
So, again I start working. And it will go on and on and on. And perhaps some day I will have strong, flexible hamstrings ... and perhaps I will not. I think I have to make friends with this thought.
This is a new thought I learned from Andreas at the workshop: There are people who are practicing primary for their lifetime. And it is enough, it is good. I'm used to thoughts like 'I have to practice so that I can go on, so that I can finish primary and move to intermediate' and so on. But this is not the point. It is the practice and not what we practice. And if we are constrained in any way - may it be time or age or health - perhaps we will never finish primary. And this would be absolutely ok.
I think I have to get used to that kind of thinking.
I'm sorry for this whiny post.