New Year

I wish you all a happy and healthy new year!
Though I haven't written any blog entries since I don't know when, I still very much enjoy reading your blogs and it often gives me a huge inspiration regarding my practice or life or ... thankyou all for this!
I'm not going to make any assumptions about my further blogging activities since it is obviously a fact that I'm not a great writer but let's see.
In any case I'm still on the Ashtanga path, trying to hold up a six-day-practice-week, which often fails, but sometimes not. Perhaps the first practice of the new year will happen now.

Taking a break

The job is hard these days, no time for writing.
Last week was very good concerning Yoga: I had a consistent 6-days-practice-week, managed to get up at 6 a.m. every day, had good, solid practices every day and the soreness from travelling started to disappear. This week: Bad! No practice on sunday because of a family visit that lasted all day long, mini-practice on monday because I got up much too late, good practice on tuesday but I noticed that the right hamstring is hurting somethings which is bad, no practice today because I got up much too late and tomorrow? I don't know.
As I noticed that the hamstring moaning again I had the idea of taking a total break from forward bends for some weeks. Practically that means taking a break from Ashtanga. Of course this is a frightening thought but what are some weeks in relation to a lifetime? And I really would be glad if this hamstring problem could be solved forever. If the price would be a break from Ashtanga for some weeks I would pay it immediatly. But even if I do it I don't have the guarantee that it is solved forever. But I could try it ... The other option is to continue the same way as until now and probably having a constant on and off regarding hamstring pain. I don't know ... I made friends with the thought that I will never gain a certain hamstring flexibility in fact it doesn't really matter.
Besides there is progress in Bujapidasana: it is possible to get the feet through the arms and lower down a little bit. The exit via Tittibhasana is far away.
Just got the book from Gregor Maehle about Ashtanga Yoga, it looks good from the first view. The only bad thing is that I also don't have the time for reading it.

I am back

It's been a long time since my last post. The main reason for this is: I just returned from a fascinating trip across Malaysia. My darling and I, we were backpacking for about 3,5 weeks in Malaysia and Singapore. This was such a great experience! It was our first time backpacking and now I really regret it that I haven't done this before. I love it. You have such a great feeling of freedom, everything you have you are carrying with you and every two or three days you just take your pack and move to the next place. This way we saw Kuala Lumpur, the jungle where we did some trekking, beautiful islands with white beaches, some other Malaysian cities and Singapore. I had such a wonderful time and I never had so many impressions, adventures and experiences in such a short time. Malaysia is a fascinating country with the most friendly people, I can recommend to everyone to pay a visit.
And of course the weather is the total contrary of Germany. It is tropical, that means it has always about 30° C with very humid air. This can also be challenging but as soon as you get used to it, it is really nice. But now I'm back in cold, rainy Germany and tomorrow my job is waiting for me :-( All good things come to an end *sigh*

Just a few words about Yoga: Maintaining a consistent practice while travelling is really hard. I carried my mat with me all the way through Malaysia but I could have used it far more often. But during the last days when we were staying on the beautiful island Tioman I managed to have some nice practices on the terrace of our chalet. Practicing surrounded by jungle in this hot humid weather is nice though the mosquitos are a little bit annoying. The body feels far more flexible and you don't need so much warming up since you are warm anyway.
But now I'm getting back on track, had a good sweaty practice today in the morning and tomorrow I'm going to have my usual morning practice.

Malaga

I spent three wonderful sunny days with my sister in Malaga, which is at the south coast of Spain. The coast is named 'Costa del Sol' and the name kept his promise: Friday and saturday we had sun and blue sky all day at temperatures about 20 ° C. What a relief after the frosty weather here. Malaga is a middle-seized city with a beautiful old town and many young people studying or working there - just like my sister. And above all: it is the home town of Antonio Banderas! But unfortunately I didn't meet him ;-)
We spent the days with sightseeing, shopping and mostly eating. They have some delicious food there, but it is all very rich because they fry everything.
Sadly there wasn't any chance for Yoga, the hotel room was too small and the floor too cold. *Sigh* I have to catch up something this week.
Here are some photos that give a good impression of the nice city Malaga:











Why can't the weather be like this in Germany? On such occasions I really think about moving to a warmer, sunnier country. Hm, perhaps one day ...

Six days a week?

During the last week I followed the traditional Ashtanga practice rules and practiced from sunday to friday six days in a row. In fact that was the first six-days-practice-week for some time. I don't accomplish it very often, most of the times I practice on five days. And since last week I sometimes had the thought, that perhaps it is not good and recommendable for everybody to practice so often. On wednesday I had that glorious practice I wrote about but the day after was just the opposite. It was not so much the body but my mind was only resistance. Barely I dragged myself through some Suryas and some more poses. Hard. My body almost never causes bad practices - ok, except something hurts - but what is really bad is if the mind is not willing. If there is some deep reluctance somewhere inside what makes you think 'I want to stop' all the time, then a good practice is almost impossible.
Friday was ok, a good solid practice. I thought that perhaps the extensive practice on wednesday and the practices on the days before were a little bit too much and I needed some rest on thursday. In such situations I don't know if it is only the laziness and my weaker self who doesn't want to practice or if it is really the need for some rest. Hmm ... perhaps one learns to differentiate over the time.
If you want to practice six days a week you have to balance your practice very carefully and take care that it is not too much. Hmm, I wonder how the students in Mysore manage this ... perhaps this is exactly what a good teacher can do for you, he adjusts your practice so that you can do a six-days-practice-week without getting too exhausted or reluctant.

The weekend was great, we were at a club saturday night, dancing all night, something I haven't done for a looooong time. It was nice. But of course the sunday was almost over when we finally got out of the bed. However I managed to do a short decent practice. Now it is easier for me to practice on free days, I simply get up and do it. If it isn't the first thing I do on a free day, the probability is high that I don't do it at all. Today moonday, tomorrow I want to go to a Mysore class.

And on thursday I'm flying to Malaga *Yippiee*. A nice long weekend in the sunny, warm (compared to here) south of Spain. I'm visiting my sister who is living there for some months. I'm happy. Hopefully I'll manage to post some photos.

Great home practice

Today I had a great home practice - in fact the greatest for quite a while. The funny thing about it is that it only became possible because I am ill. Yesterday I got a cystitis - most women out there will probably know how annoying and painful this can be - and therefore I'm staying at home today. It is already much better today, I drank about 7 liters of tea and water yesterday *bäh*, but I wanted to make sure that it is really over and therefore I decided to spend this day at home - with more drinking and warming.

At noon I started my practice and already during sun salutations I thought 'wow, for some reason it is great today!'. Today I had a very strong feeling of gracefulness, my practice felt graceful. I'm sure it is far from looking graceful but it felt this way today. Paravritti Parsvakonasana was great, absolutely solid and secure on the second side. Paschimottanasana felt fantastic, I remained for many more than 5 breaths. Because of my hamstring problem I focus extremly on this body area during practice. Today I often had a warm, tingly feeling running up and down the backside of the legs during forward bends and this simply feels right and healthy. I'm sure if I could manage to practice so that I always can have this feeling my hamstrings would not only remain in their current state, they would heal. The other side is that I took some steps back in many positions but concerning that my attitude has changed a little bit. I don't care so much about how the pose looks like, I don't matter if I'm grabbing my foot in Janu Sirsasana for example, this healthy feeling during practice is much more important to me now. I want the practice to have a therapeutic, healing effect, I want my hamstrings to heal and therefore I have to practice this way. It is as it is. There is no other way leading round the problem. I'm finally understanding more and more.
Marichyasana D has improved on the first side, Navasana was quite good and Bujapidasana was my last pose today - except for UD and finishing of course. Sirsasana also improved, I'm able to come up with straight legs now but only with help of a wall because I cannot stop when I am on top. I would always fall over. I'm not yet able to shift the weight of the hips back fast enough but this will come soon. And I almost managed to bind in Baddha Padmasana, a very new and intense feeling. Savasana also great!
There weren't great breakthroughs in this practice but everything was just right. Very nice. Afterwards I felt like I was newborn. Great practice week so far, I hope it will go on!

Holidays almost over

Puh, my last holiday practice is over and it was a good one. I went until Bhujapindasana, then Urdhva Dhanurasana and finishing positions. Recently I started working more on my hamstrings, what means that I do very gentle passive hamstring stretching twice a day. It seems that this has some influence, during the last two practices my hamstrings felt quite sore and also there was some pain in several poses. Hmm, obviously something is working down in my legs, if this is good or bad I cannot say ... but I keep going on for now.
I had some very nice practices in these holidays, it's so good to have enough time and to do everything that is coming up your mind during practice. Tomorrow again speedy pre-work-practice *sigh*.

Until next week I have to do some stand-in jobs in our local Yoga Shala. I'm rather insecure and afraid because of this. Like always I have been pushed into it without real desire to do it. It's a favour I'm doing the owner of the Shala who is travelling. I would have no problem with counting some people through fundamental Ashtanga positions, but there are also Shivananda lessons and I don't have any clue about Shivananda Yoga. *Sigh* But it is as it is, I have no choice now and since it is only a stand-in job I hope the people won't expect some professional perfect lessons. I'm going to attend a Shivananda lesson tomorrow just for being able to copy something at least.

Very short

Today I had only a short practice. My parents are visiting us and I was busy with baking muffins and cleaning our home. Of course now I have finished everything and still have time to for blogging and surfing ... could have practiced longer. But you only have the necessary calmness if the things are done.
During practice I focused once more on my hamstrings. I did some strengthening exercises for the back of the legs in the beginning and some gentle stretching in the end. In between there were only some Surya Namaskaras, Sirsasana and Padmasana. Better than nothing. Tomorrow there will hopefully happen more Yoga.

First new year practice

Today I had my first practice in the new year. Yesterday I took a break, though it would have been better if I had practiced because in the afternoon I didn't know what to do with myself and just hung around lazily. It was a good practice, for the first time after several days I sweated much though it is still very cold outside. Perhaps the heater worked better today. I just finished the book "The only way out is in" by Anthony Prem Carlisi which was some inspiration for my practice today. One of the main points during practice is to stay aware and concentrated. Carlisi says that only this indicates an advanced Yogi. I tried to focus on this in my practice and it is amazing how often the mind starts wandering away. Of course you cannot avoid this but to constantly come back to your breath and body is the main goal.

Since one of my objectives was to focus more on the second part of the series I added Bujapidasana after Navasana. Hmm, not easy. I can balance on my hands with the feet hooked in front of me but when it comes to bowing forward and pushing the feet back through the arms I'm soon at my limit. I don't know how to bring the feet back through the arms. Have to work on this.

It seems that there is a small breakthrough concerning coming in Sirsasana with straight legs. When I use a wall I can come up with straight legs but the problem is that I cannot stop when I am up. If there wouldn't be the wall I would fall over. I guess the problem is that I'm using too much momentum and too less strength. But this will come soon, I'm sure.

As I'm on holiday I have plenty of time for the practice and can add some extra poses, this is very nice. Soon there will be the usual hurry-through-practice before work. I have to enjoy the last long practices.

My Yoga Year

Today is the last day of this year and while I was doing my practice in the morning I reviewed my Yoga year. Altogether it was a very successful year concerning Ashtanga Yoga:

• In January I started practicing Yoga on a daily basis and I managed to establish the daily morning practice. It is now an important part of my life and a fixed item in my schedule. I would consider this as a great achievement.
• My hamstring-syndrome got much better. At the beginning of this year I wasn't able to practice Ashtanga at all because it hurt so much. This has improved a lot during this year. Though there were some setbacks the whole thing constantly got better.
• I focused mainly on the first part of Primary up to Navasana. In this row there are three poses I'm still struggling with: Paravritti Parsvakonasana is much better now. Still a small struggle with the first side. Janu Sirsasana C, this pose just does not work with my body. Until now I have no clue how this will ever happen, but of course I keep on working. And last but not least Marichyasana D, a very difficult pose, but I made some progress. First side is still problematic, but on the second side I can bind often. And there was also progress with Urdhva Danurasana, with Padmasana and Sirsasana.

Hm, when you really count the things which have improved during this year the list is rather long. This is great and I'm happy about it. I'm trying to remember it if I will ever be sad because of some silly comparisons with advanced Yogis :-)
My objectives and wishes for the coming year are:

• Going on with the daily Ashtanga practice
• It would be great if I could finally overcome my hamstring problems.
• Focus more on the second part of Primary
• It would be great if I could put my feet behind my head after this year.
• Getting stronger
• Overcoming the fear that I often have in upside-down positions.

Ok, I better stop now, the list of wishes would become much longer than the list of progress. I don't want to have too many expectations. I will go on with my practice and see what happens. Just do your practice and all is coming!
In this spirit I'm wishing all fellow Ashtangis "einen guten Rutsch" (as we say in Germany) and a good start in the new year.

Practice break

The last days no serious Ashtanga practice happened. Buh. There are various reasons for it, yesterday I started practicing right after getting up but I didn't feel good at all and after sun salutations I stopped because I had the feeling that it is not good right now. Actually I got sick yesterday, mainly headache and fever. Today it is already much better. This is a good employee who only gets sick in his holidays.
But still no practice today as I am still weak and need a lot of breaks during the day.
Tomorrow we're driving to our families for spending the christmas days there. I hope I will have some chances to practice there. My mat is coming with me!
So I wish you all some quiet and recreative days with your families.

Workshop with Arjuna, II

Juhu, I am on holiday now! Yesterday was the last working day for this year, it ended with an excessive christmas party at my company. Now two and a half weeks without work are coming and this is just great. So much time just for me and of course my darling. And I really need this time now because I really have to think about how everything will go on at the job and so on.

But I wanted to tell more about the workshop: We started on last saturday with a 3,5 hour session in the morning. We did sun salutations, some of standing positions where Arjuna explained once again the correct alignment and then inserted some extra positions as preparation for back bending. We did a lot of stretching of the M. Iliopsoas and played with splits and handstand variations. Then we came back to the sequence and practiced until Kapotasana. For every pose Arjuna showed variations that were possible for everyone. The first back bends of Intermediate like Shalabasana, Danurasana and Ushtrasana are not so complicated. These are very basic poses, you can find them in many beginner Hatha Yoga classes and I think everyone can practice these. But of course then comes the hard stuff and especially for Kapotasana many people have to work really hard. After Ushtrasana we did some interesting partner exercises for working on the back bend. The practicioner comes in the starting position for Ushtrasana, one helper kneels before him and pushes with his hands against the hip of the practicioner for stabilization. The other helper lies behind the practicioner and puts one foot on the sacrum of the practicioner, the other foot between the bladebones. Then the practicioner arches back and tries to stretch out the arms behind him. The helper who lies behind grabs the hands and slightly pulls. Hm, I hope this is imaginable. This way the back bend could be deepened nicely. But in fact there was only one man who was able to do something that can be named Kapotasana.
One advice Arjuna gave on Kapotasana: Don't bring the head on the floor too soon. If the head is on the floor but is still away from your feet you have almost no chance for getting there, then the pose is over. Instead keep on hanging in the air and try to bring your hands on the floor. Then go on arching and try to walk your hands to your feet. Only if the hands are on the feet you can try to bring down your head. Of course this is much more exhausting, but Arjuna's practice is always exhausting.
Then we had a lunch break, in the afternoon we did a rather relaxing hip-opening practice with tries on Eka Pada Sirsasana.
The other morning we practiced almost complete Intermediate, we only omitted two poses. It was a little bit absurd because again there was only one man who was able to do the positions the way they were intended. Almost all other people had to do variations. But it was interesting to see that there are variations for every position. Of course it does not make much sense to practice it this way, but it was interesting. It was a funny, playful atmosphere, also in the afternoon. Arjuna always wants the people to play with poses and to try things that seem impossible. So we played a lot with Bakasana, Pincha Mayurasana, Karandavasana, Mayurasana and so on. It was fun and I think many people had some highlights. My highlight: I balanced Pincha Mayurasana on my own for several seconds!
Arjuna's practice always brings you to your edge, he takes you out of your comfort zone so that you have the chance to move your limits and make progress. He also wants us to learn a kind of childish attitude towards practice. When we come to difficult poses we often have thoughts like 'I cannot do this', 'I will never learn this' and so on. A child doesn't know these thoughts, a child just tries and sees what will happen. This is the attitude we should also adopt for our practice.
So it was a hard and challenging weekend, but of course very informative and inspiring. And Arjuna is just great, if I had to call someone my Guru it would be him.

Workshop with Arjuna, I

Just returned from a weekend workshop with Arjuna. I'm totally knackered, every single part of my body is hurting *Au*. It was a second series workshop, I know I'm not at all ready for practicing second series but so were most of the workshop participants. Arjuna said the workshop is a playground where we can try some poses and play around with them but in our daily practice we should stick with primary.
Arjuna's opening of the workshop was just brilliant, I'm trying to reproduce it: Everything that makes up Ashtanga Yoga, everything Ashtanga Yoga has to offer is contained in the first ten breaths of the first series: Surya Namaskara A. For people who weren't able to figure this out Surya Namaskara B was developed. And for people who still don't get it the fundamental positions were created and so on ... and people who are practicing Intermediate really must be slow on the uptake. Then everybody laughed and immediatly Arjuna had managed to put everything in the right perspective. I found that great.
Ok, I have to eat something now, more workshop stories are following ...

Achievement

The depression is over, the hamstrings calmed down again and I returned to my normal Ashtanga practice. Of course the hamstrings are still the critical point - probably they will remain it for the rest of my life - but it is ok. I can practice without pain, I'm totally satisfied with it.
I wonder if I can manage to stay within my limits this time. Often I don't understand myself when it comes to this point. I know, it is not about the poses, the poses are not what really matters ... I can tell this to myself 1000 times but the next time when I am in Prasarita Padottanasana surely I will ask myself when I will be able to touch the floor with my head. Is this attitude of achieving goals, bringing good performance etc. so deeply anchored in our selves that we barely can get rid of it? For me this is one of the hardest tasks in my practice. Letting go of thinking that I have to bring the head on the floor, that I have to bind my wrists, that I have to bring the chin on the shin ... Of course we want to see improvements, but the improvement does not come by pushing and pulling it will come by itself. All I have to do is practicing and waiting. Hard. I think it is so hard because we cannot influence it directly. With most other things in our lives great effort brings great benefit but Yoga teaches us something different: The great effort we have to put in is not that we try to push ourselves in a certain pose but that we try it slowly and every day.
Ok, I know it, hopefully I will remember in the next Prasarita Padottanasana.

We have the first snow here. Very calm winter atmosphere outside. It is nice because it makes the inside so cosy and warm. No need for going out today. It's just a lazy sunday at home.

After the break

After a one-week-break I had again an Ashtanga practice today. Last week I practiced some Vinyasa freestyle for giving my hamstrings a break: No forward bends and much hamstring-strengthening. And I put some castor-oil on the areas where it's hurting most. I have no idea if this will help anything but Arjuna once recommended it and so I try it. Perhaps it will help if I believe so :-)
Practice today was ok. I was extremely careful, did all forward bends with bent legs and so on. Actually it was better than I thought before. I felt a little pain in Uttitha Trikonasana and Prasarita Padottanasanas, but these were always the difficult poses related to my hamstrings. I only practiced until Purvottanasana, then Shalabasana (for the hamstrings) and some restoring poses. Anyway it was delightful to feel the energy of the Asthanga practice again. Other Yoga styles are also great but I never feel this intensity when I do any other kind of Yoga. I don't know why. It must be the combination of all the Ashtanga typical things. Let's see how it will go tomorrow.

Ashtanga depression

I'm having kind of a Yoga down right now. It is because of my old hamstring injury - a never-ending story. During the last two or three months it has changed so much and became so good again ... I really had hope, I really thought 'ok, that was it, it has gone, I'm over it'. I've had so much patience, you know, I have been suffering from it for 1,5 years. And I worked so much to improve it, to heal it. For two months at the beginning of this year I haven't practiced Ashtanga Yoga at all, I only did exercises for strengthening the backs of the legs, gentle stretching, taking care all the time, everything just to come over this problem. And slowly, very slowly it started working, it got better, there were also setbacks, but all in all it really got better and the peak of this development has been reached about three weeks ago. At this time I could practice with (almost) no need of variations and didn't have any uncomfortable feeling in the hamstrings. But it seems that always when I reach this point I immediatly start overdoing the practice. It must be so otherwise I can't explain why it is again this bad.
Ok, two weeks ago there was this weekend workshop with Andreas Schnittger - which was great by the way, I have to tell you about it another time - during the workshop I practiced full primary and the beginning of intermediate. And on the tuesday after the workshop again full primary in a Mysore class. Obviously this was too much. Since then my hamstrings hurt again, I cannot do most of standing positions without pain and so on. I could cry.
I have to struggle with myself very hard to see this still as a task, as a chance for learning and developing. Of course you can see it this way, you always learn a lot in a situation when your body does not work the way you want it to work. On the one hand you can try to change your body, but first of all you have to change your mind. Ok, I see it this way, but nevertheless I am sad, disappointed, frustrated ...
It is like you are running, running, running and you can almost bite into the carrot but everytime you close your mouth you see that the carrot is again a mile ahead.
I even had thoughts like 'perhaps this style of Yoga is not for me, is not for my body, perhaps my body is not appropriate for Ashtanga Yoga' and so on. But I cannot think about quitting Ashtanga Yoga seriously. No. It is a too big part of my life. And I want to come over this damn hamstring problem! Stopping now would be giving up.
So, again I start working. And it will go on and on and on. And perhaps some day I will have strong, flexible hamstrings ... and perhaps I will not. I think I have to make friends with this thought.
This is a new thought I learned from Andreas at the workshop: There are people who are practicing primary for their lifetime. And it is enough, it is good. I'm used to thoughts like 'I have to practice so that I can go on, so that I can finish primary and move to intermediate' and so on. But this is not the point. It is the practice and not what we practice. And if we are constrained in any way - may it be time or age or health - perhaps we will never finish primary. And this would be absolutely ok.
I think I have to get used to that kind of thinking.
I'm sorry for this whiny post.

Janu C and other stress factors

Puh, back in the middle of a stressful week. I will be so glad when my darling will be cured. It's hard to be responsible alone for a two-persons-household. My deepest respect to all working mothers who are raising children in addition to work. Now I've just finished my tasks for today - or let's say I've stopped because there would always be something else to do. Now I have a little time left for reading in my new book 'Yoga Mala' by Pattabhi Jois himself. Probably a shame that I got it not until now. I am curious.

Good morning practices yesterday and today. Today I came until Janu Sirsasana C. This is one of the poses I don't even have a clue about. How should this work? It is absolutely not possible to rotate the foot that way. And my hips usually aren't that stiff. Hm. I'm waiting for a small enlightenment concerning this pose. Are there any tricks or useful preparations? Perhaps the upcoming workshop will bring some light in the Janu Sirsasana C darkness.

Are muscles feminine?

Three weeks ago I was at a friend's wedding and today we finally got to see all the photos one of the other guests made. As I discovered myself on one of the photos I was completly in shock: I'm looking like a hobby weightlifter or body builder with these muscles. Horrible! When I see such photos I'm really getting my doubts if it is all good what Ashtanga is doing to a woman's arms and shoulders. But see yourself, here it is:


I was really appalled as I saw this. Of course you can tell yourself that this is sporty and athletic but it has definitly nothing to do with slender and feminine. Hm, I'm not quite sure what to think about this. On the one hand there is a little bit pride because you know that it was hard work that makes you looking this way but on the other hand I don't know if I want to look this way. It's hard at the limit. And my boyfriend doesn't like it so much either. Of course this is not as important as my opinion but it is also a factor.
Ashtanga Yoginis out there, is there anybody who knows this problem? Of being afraid that your arms and shoulders look too beefy and mascular? I really would be glad about some comments.
But I guess there is no choice. I want to do Ashtanga, I am comitted to this tradition and this just is the way it changes my body. I can do nothing but accept this.

Autumn sunday

We had a very nice autumn day here, cool, fresh air, a clear sky and colorful trees everywhere. I started the day with a run through the forest, it was really nice, mentally it is as relaxing as it is physically exhausting. First of all I love the silence you can find in the forest. Especially in this season when the animals are getting quiet too there are moments when you can only hear your breath and your steps. It is such a relief from the non-stop background noise you usually have.

So the day started good and it went on even better as I managed to cook some delicious Indian chickpea-eggplant-curry. For being able to appreciate this you have to know that I cook very seldom and when I cook it's even more seldom that it is really good. But I accepted this: you cannot have a fulltime job and be the perfect houswife at the same time. That's it.

The only disadvantage of this very nice day is that I haven't practiced Yoga. But I've practiced the last six days in a row, I guess it is ok to take one day off. Hm, sounds like an excuse. Let's start again tomorrow morning.

Laziness goes on ...

Today I did only a short practice in the evening: sun salutations, some standing positions and some playing around with hand- and headstand variations.
This weekend is so lazy. Of course the main reason is the temporary invalidity of my boyfriend. We simply cannot go out - or he cannot go out and I'm staying here with him. But it's ok. I always enjoy being at home because during the week I'm not much at home. But yesterday I managed one thing: my tax declaration is almost ready! I'm very proud of myself. And now I'm going to join my boyfriend on the sofa.

Barcelona

One month ago I spent four days in Barcelona, a beautiful, youthful, turbulent city on the Spanish east coast. For everybody this city has something to offer: culture, old town, modern town, beach life, party life, sightseeing ... And above of all this uncomparable, mediterranean summer feeling which I love, love, love. This city really has a lot of faces and is worth a visit in any case.

Of course I brought my Yoga mat and on Friday morning I paid a visit to Ashtanga Yoga Barcelona which is lead by authorized teacher Hojung Audenaerde. Her shala provides only Mysore classes, you can start in the morning between 8 a.m. and 9 a.m. I got up at 7 a.m. and after getting ready tried to find my way to the shala, which was not that easy in this huge foreign city. But as I already had managed to get close to the shala I saw a man walking down the street who was obviously carrying a Yoga bag. I simply followed him and he lead me to my destination. As I arrived there were already a few practicioners and after having settled the formalities I also started. I think it was the first time that I practiced in a real Mysore-style shala and I was nearly overwhelmed by the great atmosphere. I guess there were always between ten and twenty people in the room but there would have been still more space. My practice was great, not physically but in all other dimensions. I found it simply great to practice in a room full of committed, like-minded Ashtangis, it definitly pushed my energy up. Hojung and her assistant walked through the lines and gave adjustments, verbal and physical. Hojung had a very calm and grave charisma, she definitly had the control over the room. She helped me in Uttitha Hasta Padangusthasana, her assistant helped me in Mari A so that I was almost able to bring my chin to the shin. And the highlight was Mari D: Hojung helped me so that I could bind on both sides, on the right side this was the first time ever! After Buja Pidasana which was only a poor attempt I did back bends and finishing positions. Great practice in Barcelona and once more I pitied myself for not having a Mysore shala near my home.

But next weekend we are having an Ashtanga workshop with Andreas Loh here in Erlangen. He is great and I'm looking forward to it.

Non-lazy practice on a lazy day

Today is a very lazy, relaxing holy day. We didn't get out of the bed before 1 p.m. But then I almost immediatly started my practice because I learned that if I don't do it right after getting up on free days the probability is high that I don't do it at all. It was a quite good practice, flexibility is as good as before the break. But apparently I started to fast and hurried through the standing poses. When I reached the seated poses I was so exhausted and out of breath that I took a short break, took ten deep breaths and said to myself that I should take it easy and slow. Then I went on with this changed attitude and tried to focus on a deep, calm breath. This way I finally reached Navasana and continued with back bends. As always right after getting up Urdhva Danurasana is difficult. It takes three attempts before it even starts feeling good. Then finishing positions for which I never have enough time during the week and Shavasana.
Practice was the only non-lazy thing I did today and yes, I started my tax declaration (for 2006!). Holy days are nice :-)

It is going on ...

Yes, I am still there though it doesn't seem so, I know. I have a rather stressful time now. Two weeks ago my darling had a stupid accident and hurt his left ankle. Several days and XRays later the diagnosis was that a part of his shinbone has been broken off ( the part is the so called "Volkmann-Triangle" for the medically interested readers). Then he had a surgery where they screwed the part back on the shinbone. And now he has a cast and lies at home on the sofa all the time. Of course this is a really bad thing for him and I feel so sorry but also for me it has some consequences. Mainly it is the fact that I now have to take care of every single thing that is to do in our life, household etc. And of course I'm trying to go to work as usual.
This is the reason why my daily practice has suffered in the past two weeks. But this week I renewed it and had some good practices. Best was yesterday when I managed all of Primary up to Navasana, today was a short one since we had to be at the doctor at about 8:00 am.
It is alarming how fast the body has changed in that two weeks with less Yoga: metabolism got inactive, muscles and tendons got stiff and the mood was also bad. OMG, it hurt so much when I started practicing on Monday. It felt as if I was doing Yoga for the first time in my life, horrible! But fortunately during this week the body has changed as fast the other way round. It definitly was a lesson in how important the daily practice is. I hope I'll manage to keep it up again. Tomorrow no work! It's the day of the German reunification, I'm so looking forward to this long weekend!

Weekend workshop

Yesterday night I returned from Arjuna's workshop in Frankfurt. Today my whole body is aching, I had forgotten how exhausting it is to practice with Arjuna. But it was a very, very nice weekend. It was cleansing in every aspect: For the body as we sweated buckets during this weekend and ate only healthy stuff, a lot of fruit and so on. For the mind as there were no distractions, only Ashtanga.
It started on Saturday morning with a Primary lead class. We practiced until Triang Mukha Eka Pada Paschimottanasana. These are not very much poses but now imagine that it took us three hours (!) for these poses and then you know why this practice is sooo exhausting. I think we practiced only Surya Namaskaras for one hour. We had to hold the poses forever, also Chaturanga Dandasana. This is what Arjuna often does: He wants to force you in a state where you cannot rely on your body alone any longer. Your muscles and your body strength have given up but still you can hold the pose and remain there. He wants us to experience that the Ashtanga techniques like breath and Bandhas can give you so much energy that you can remain in a pose though your body would have given up for long. It is an interesting state that you can enter this way: sweat is gushing down the body and you are at the limit of what your body can do but though you don't feel the strain. The breath is calm and deep and your whole body is warm and light. You can clearly feel the energy flow through the body, the energy that makes you stay still longer in the pose. It feels great. This is one reason why I love workshops with Arjuna, you can't push yourself in this state.

Additionally he explained some interesting technical details while we were holding our poses:

• Standing positions: Do not only stand on your legs, but try to activate the legs. Try to rotate the thigh outward, the lower leg inward, the heel outward and the forefoot inward again. Sounds very complicated but it's only the idea of what you should do and if you try it e.g. in Virabadhrasana you will see that standing has a new meaning.
• Adho Mukha Svanasana: the index finger is pointing forward. I had the impression that the neck can be relaxed more this way.
• Vinyasas: What I found very interesting: You can try to separate the jump-through and also the jump-back in two little jumps. E.g. when you want to jump-through you can first jump from Adho Mukha Svanasana in a position where the legs are folded beneath you and you sit on your heels and from there with a second jump to the final sitting position. It is important to keep the body small and compact all the time.
• An advice for my hamstring problems: I should try to strain the muscles at the front of the thigh in all forward bends because this leads to relaxation of the hamstring muscles.

Saturday afternoon we had another lesson which was rather playful, we tried arm balances, headstands, vinyasas ... but of course also exhausting!
The next morning Mysore class, I practiced full Primary and in the afternoon another class, where we worked mainly on backbends. For the first time I tried standing backbends and it felt very good, very intensive, no dropback yet, but this will come one day.

So this was a great weekend, very nice to meet all the Ashtangis. This is also great at such a workshop: you meet only people who are committed Ashtanga practicioners and Ashtanga is really a part of their life. Very nice feeling to be part of that.

Mysore class

Tonight I attended my first regular Mysore class. It takes place in Karin's house, Karin is the teacher. Her Yoga room is not big, there is space for perhaps 8 Yogis, but we were only three. She has just started with her classes and therefore they are still quite empty. One man who is beginner and has just learned Surya Namaskara A, one woman who is similar advanced than me and me of course. I sweated buckets, I don't remember when I have sweated so much during practice. Already in Surya Namaskara B it started dripping on the mat and soon my clothes were soaked. Of course it's also due to the hot and humid weather we have here at the moment but there must have been something else too.
I must say it was a very strange feeling to practice together with other people and under the eye of a teacher. After having practiced on my own for so long it is unfamiliar for me. And of course I worked extra hard because of the feeling of being watched. This might also be an explanation for the sweat gush. I guess it was far more exhausting than any home practice could ever be.
My relationship to Karin was a little bit weird during the class. We didn't know each other before, we just said hello and then it started. Her adjustments were good, they could have been a little bit softer but it felt like she knows what she is doing. But I have the feeling that I haven't accepted her completly yet because sometimes when she said something corrective to me I had some thoughts like "but I learned it this way, I want to do it this way, perhaps you just don't know this way ...". And this is of course bullshit. She definitly knows something about Ashtanga and as another person she has a completly different view of my practice and therefore can see things I perhaps cannot. I think I need a humbler attitude towards my practice. When practicing alone there are always some things you don't pay that much attention or things you always do a little bit wrong and it's very useful to have these things revealed.
Anyway I felt very good after the practice, it was very intensive also very exhausting. Let's see how my hamstrings will feel tomorrow. Tomorrow rest day and then workshop with Arjuna. Juhu!